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  • "Traditional Values"

    This question is for the guys and girls on the boards. This is not intended as "flame bait" but a serious quesiton. What exactly does "traditional values" mean to you? I see many of you looking for a person with "traditonal values". Does this mean you expect your potential GF/Wife to have never had a sexual partner? How many men in her past is too much for you? Would be be threatened by your potential GF/Wife if she had male friends?...Ladies same question, expect about your BF/Husband.

    Regards and let's keep this civil!

  • #2
    values

    I don't know about 'traditional' (I think it's a bit of Golden Age-type mythology), but regarding values I think it means character, integrity, and self-respect more than anything. I don't care how many men my girlfriend or potential girlfriend has been with, as long as her approach to relationships and partners is mature and she at least tries to make her relationships meaningful (i.e., she doesn't say things like, 'oooh, cool Camaro, I'd do him.')

    Oh...and I like to hope that a partner wouldn't cheat on me. I'd rather be dumped harshly than find out someone cheated on me...

    Comment


    • #3
      VALUES as it should be............

      Here we go again,Elegua but this time on values. I respect the values you seek in women as your girlfriend or as your wife.I am sure all of us fully agree with you with regard to character,integerity and self respect as some, if not all the values we seek in a women as a wife or girlfriend.Fully agreed.Now with a women who had so many relationship with so many man ,all with a sexual relatiohship even with the genunine intent of marriage or love,do you think such women have those values you just said such as integerity,character and all the rest of the so called good qualities or should I say values? Lets put it in another way.Women who slept with so many man do they have the basic quality of intergrity or character? Or you still go on catergorising such women who go on having as many sexual relationship as women of great integerity and character.Then what are the values we seek in a woman as our wife.It seems to me as you have just said it makes no difference to you whether your girlfriend had numerous sexual encounters or whether she knew so many boyfriends( even Raj...) for the matter. Then it sounds to me that for you values in life doesn't mean anything at all.If values don't mean anything to you then why set values onto others.Let me make you understand better.Character,integerity and self-Respect is all about values and from Good values come about good character,High Interigity, and self Respect and vice versa.It is these values in life we all should have and this goes to both man and woman.Values in turn are inherited through good family background and upbringing,through religion,through Traditions passed from generation to generation and being incalculated by our Teachers. To make it short and clear to you my friend those good values you are seeking in a women are not from women who go sleeping around with man just for the sake of sex.Don't missunderstand me that I seek women who must be a virgin, never,but women who preserve their values of integerity,character and self respect.The keyword here is preserve.How many of us have these values whether man or women? Rajkumar
      Rajkumar

      Comment


      • #4
        hi again, Raj

        Again I find myself in general agreement with you. A woman may have had many boyfriends, but if I ask her how many men she's been with and she brings out the Accountant's Book and calculator, I must admit I would be rather suspicious

        I guess I was just trying to say there's no magic line where I would make the judgement that a woman had bad character. Instead, it's a proportional curve, with the rising number of sexual partners being directly proportional to the less I would trust her reliability in a relationship. There are always 'outlyers,' if I remember my Statistics courses correctly...that is, women who may represent an extreme example of sexual activity who also have strength of character in a relationship. And of course, just because a woman's had few or no boyfriends doesn't always mean she has a good character, either...every scammer has to start somewhere!

        Of course, this applies with men as well...if my sister were dating a guy who puts notches in his bedpost after each woman he's been with, and the notches look like a translation of the King James Bible in Braile, I would do my best to urge my sister that this is a man who would likley break her heart.

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        • #5
          I would expect my boyfriend / husband to be himself and treat me with respect and kindness.
          Yours truly!

          Comment


          • #6
            Holland

            You sound like a nice, well-balanced lady. Anyone, no matter how many men they have been with, deserve at least a basic degree of human decency and consideration. I might not want to get into a relationship with a woman based on an assortment of factors, but I would never treat anyone strangely or with cruelty just because of her past.

            Of course, if that person in the present tense demonstrated a lack of trustworthiness, my general respect of strangers would end.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks Elegua and over to you Holland.......

              Thank's again elegua,for the clarification you gave me and I would say there was further enlightment to me on the facts presented by you.What amuses me most was what you said "every scammer has to start somewhere".I suppose then it is true when we start a relationship with the opposite sex we already have the intent set in our minds.This intent in any relationsp between the opposite sexes finally ends with sex whether the relationship materialises or not. So in otherwards when a relationship takes of, the mind is already set to scheme and what does a female scammer set her mind to the man she is in relationship,how to get this relationship materalise and how to reap his pockets to the maximum,as for the male scammmer all he thinks even with his pockets being reaped and how emotoinally involved he is with the women,is how to get her in bed.Do you agree with me Elegua up to now.Then lets conclude one thing,a female scammer in a relationship looks for Financial Security while we male scammers somehow look for Sex.So in any relationship of courting with the intent of marriage we are actually scammers in a way.You have put it very well elengua.Whether we are scammers in a relationship with the intent of marriage, if we had kept or uphold our values of interigity,character, and self-respect then sex should be kept after marriage.This is all about values in life and so called Traditonal Values.You can be scammer in a way because the element of intent is always there in a relationship but we must not be subjected to lose our interigity,character,and self-respect in any circimstances at all.Now I am sure Holland is going to come up with -"SEX after or before marriage?" (somehow he or she(I really don't know) seems to be creeping after me for no reason). But remember friends we should be focussed on values and I would like to see how the topic "Sex after or Before Marriage" blends in this thread of "Traditional Values". Rajkumar
              Rajkumar

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Thanks Elegua and over to you Holland.......

                In your view, is sex before marriage incompatible with integrity, character and self respect?


                Originally posted by Rajkumar
                if we had kept or uphold our values of interigity,character, and self-respect then sex should be kept after marriage.

                Comment


                • #9
                  To Ulysses.

                  Lets analyse your statement"sex before marriage is incompatable with integerity,character, and self-respect.Whether it is the answer or otherwise,lets hear what I have to say about it.My sincere answer is no.Sex before marriage does not undermine a person's character, integerity or self-respect.But circumstances on how it led to sex before marriage must be considered seriously before we make a determination of one's character,self-respect and integerity.When I mean circumstances leading to sex before marriage I am talking about whether it was done mutually with emotions, with the sole intent both parties are emotionally secured to conclude a marriage.Then sex with sincere feelings of love and done with full of emotions to one another, is having character,self-respect and integerity.In otherwards sex without lust in a true and stable emotional relationship is compatabile with all the three we talking about.But today sex is so free that it is done with lust rather then with emotions between two opposite sexes.You must understand the word lust very carefully before you fully understand my views on the question you posed to me.TO ME LUST IS INTENSE SEXUAL desire.In any relationship before marriage we should not have sex with lust but with emotions and sincerity and only when both parties are so secured to commit it to marriage.Now Ulysses,if you have understood this,then hear this.Many of us get into a relationship and somehow we are caugtht in this situation of having sex .In this context I would darely say we are no better then the other when it comes to having sex.We make it happen before marriage because we have all the ready reasons to make it happen and it boils down to our lust and the reasons, such as I need to have sex with you simply because I will be sure it is only for me or you are not getting it from some one else,or the other reason ready from us is your virginity is my road to marriage with you or you want to prove to one another your sexual capalibilites of sexual satisfaction to each other. There are so many reasons each party gives just to satisfy their sexual desires and that is lust.It is our lust more the anything which allows us to have sex in the first place before marriage.Now lets try to see if we can conclude something to the question you posed.Now a person having numerous affairs with numerous sexual activities along with it then how do you compare her or him in terms of interegity,character,and self-respect.You know what I would say to such a person, I would condemn such a person to the lowest category of an animal or a barbarian.How can such a person have character,self-respect and integerity.Tell me Ulysses am I not right and even after two relationships which didn't work out, he or she should learn the values of life and not repeat having sex again.Sometimes we get carried away in a relationship but we must learn not to forget our virtuosness in life and that is character,interigity and self -respect.God created sex as it should be but we abuse it to suit it to our ways losing in the process our integerity,self-respect and character.Today the greatest excuse we give about having sex is,it is the basic physiological needs of our body.WE were guided by religion even in when it comes to sex but we abuse it because we have all the reasons best suited to justify ourselves that sex is free for all and no more sacred as it used to be.I do hope I have answered your question in a way Ulysses but there is still alot to say about your question as it is sometimes very hard to seek the true answers to that question. Thanks Rajkumar
                  Rajkumar

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Clear

                    Now, I understand your views! Hear you loud and clear.

                    I think the best way to answer your question is...People should think before having sex...

                    Originally posted by Rajkumar
                    Lets analyse your statement"sex before marriage is incompatable with integerity,character, and self-respect.Whether it is the answer or otherwise,lets hear what I have to say about it.My sincere answer is no.Sex before marriage does not undermine a person's character, integerity or self-respect.But circumstances on how it led to sex before marriage must be considered seriously before we make a determination of one's character,self-respect and integerity.When I mean circumstances leading to sex before marriage I am talking about whether it was done mutually with emotions, with the sole intent both parties are emotionally secured to conclude a marriage.Then sex with sincere feelings of love and done with full of emotions to one another, is having character,self-respect and integerity.In otherwards sex without lust in a true and stable emotional relationship is compatabile with all the three we talking about.But today sex is so free that it is done with lust rather then with emotions between two opposite sexes.You must understand the word lust very carefully before you fully understand my views on the question you posed to me.TO ME LUST IS INTENSE SEXUAL desire.In any relationship before marriage we should not have sex with lust but with emotions and sincerity and only when both parties are so secured to commit it to marriage.Now Ulysses,if you have understood this,then hear this.Many of us get into a relationship and somehow we are caugtht in this situation of having sex .In this context I would darely say we are no better then the other when it comes to having sex.We make it happen before marriage because we have all the ready reasons to make it happen and it boils down to our lust and the reasons, such as I need to have sex with you simply because I will be sure it is only for me or you are not getting it from some one else,or the other reason ready from us is your virginity is my road to marriage with you or you want to prove to one another your sexual capalibilites of sexual satisfaction to each other. There are so many reasons each party gives just to satisfy their sexual desires and that is lust.It is our lust more the anything which allows us to have sex in the first place before marriage.Now lets try to see if we can conclude something to the question you posed.Now a person having numerous affairs with numerous sexual activities along with it then how do you compare her or him in terms of interegity,character,and self-respect.You know what I would say to such a person, I would condemn such a person to the lowest category of an animal or a barbarian.How can such a person have character,self-respect and integerity.Tell me Ulysses am I not right and even after two relationships which didn't work out, he or she should learn the values of life and not repeat having sex again.Sometimes we get carried away in a relationship but we must learn not to forget our virtuosness in life and that is character,interigity and self -respect.God created sex as it should be but we abuse it to suit it to our ways losing in the process our integerity,self-respect and character.Today the greatest excuse we give about having sex is,it is the basic physiological needs of our body.WE were guided by religion even in when it comes to sex but we abuse it because we have all the reasons best suited to justify ourselves that sex is free for all and no more sacred as it used to be.I do hope I have answered your question in a way Ulysses but there is still alot to say about your question as it is sometimes very hard to seek the true answers to that question. Thanks Rajkumar

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Think before having Sex...........

                      Bingo,Ulysess you said the golden statement-People should think before having sex.If they have this concept then sex should be the last priority in a relationship between man and woman.Ulysess you know how many women lost their virginity or felt cheated all because of the false promises made by man in getting them to bed.In this respect I put the blame fully on man who are the greatest schemers in getting women to bed in a relationship.Tell me Ulysess women as such generally,do not make sex a priority in a relationship, they are looking more for an emotional relationship, whereas it is the man who provacates a woman into a sexual relationship.When this happens a women being a human after all gives in with a lot of protest and promises from the man before she goes to bed with him.The keyword here she finally gives in to a man with protest.I am sure you and me have face this kind of situation with a woman one time or the other.It is we man who makes the mistake and creates the situation and the woman gets branded as a loose character girl and its easy to take her to bed.We created the situation and that's what makes woman as what she is today.Even a prostitute for the matter don't give in to sex as it seems.You got to give her the respect as a lady and throw a few romantic words before she even has it as paid sex.I have worked with these people in some way or the other ,professionally of course,and I have learnt alot about woman as such.Most woman lose their virginity through false promise made by man such as a promise of marriage.Woman are the victims of man's scheme.Got to go Ulysess as I am anxiously waitig for the Part 4 of your analysis. Rajkumar
                      Rajkumar

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Think before having Sex...........

                        Originally posted by Rajkumar
                        Bingo,Ulysess you said the golden statement-People should think before having sex.If they have this concept then sex should be the last priority in a relationship between man and woman.Ulysess you know how many women lost their virginity or felt cheated all because of the false promises made by man in getting them to bed.In this respect I put the blame fully on man who are the greatest schemers in getting women to bed in a relationship.Tell me Ulysess women as such generally,do not make sex a priority in a relationship, they are looking more for an emotional relationship, whereas it is the man who provacates a woman into a sexual relationship.When this happens a women being a human after all gives in with a lot of protest and promises from the man before she goes to bed with him.The keyword here she finally gives in to a man with protest.I am sure you and me have face this kind of situation with a woman one time or the other.It is we man who makes the mistake and creates the situation and the woman gets branded as a loose character girl and its easy to take her to bed.We created the situation and that's what makes woman as what she is today.Even a prostitute for the matter don't give in to sex as it seems.You got to give her the respect as a lady and throw a few romantic words before she even has it as paid sex.I have worked with these people in some way or the other ,professionally of course,and I have learnt alot about woman as such.Most woman lose their virginity through false promise made by man such as a promise of marriage.Woman are the victims of man's scheme.Got to go Ulysess as I am anxiously waitig for the Part 4 of your analysis. Rajkumar
                        All you say Raj is true only for very concervative cultures where women are LOOKED DOWN UPON if they have pre-marital sex. In a democtratic culture, a woman would firt sniff the guy out, who is he as a person, what is he like in bed and only then think if she would like to have a long-term relationship with him. Women do tend to be more emotional in a relationship than men, but not really because sex is not a priority. I honestly do not understand how people can get married without first having sex? What if they don't match each other? They are not going to obstain from it for the rest of their lifes just because they have "an emotional connection". You know, to give you an example, my own mother (see, I don't want to be accused of talking about "corrupted young women of today) divorced her first husband (not my father) BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T STAND THEIR LOVELIFE. Yes, she got married because of the societal pressure, but even that couldn't stop her from making everything she could to get rid of him. Why such sacrifices? Sex is part of a relationship, so let it be there from the beginning.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          To you SN.....

                          Very impressive views SN and I respect your views as it is. What as come about your views is we have two types of cultures,a conservative and a democratic culture.I wonder where do I fit in,I find no answers to it at this moment.In short we have a society with conservative ideology and a society with democratic ideology.So from a conservative society with progress in Science and Technology emerged a democratic society,and this is all about what we call Liberalisation.Through time we progressed in our thinking,ideologies,our ways of life and progressed towards modernization and towards everything as what we called democracy.Then how do you place values and traditions when we were progressing towards modernisation and what you call democracy.The values our society upheld even in this era of transformation towards modernisation.It seems as what you say SN we have discarded these virteous values which our society upheld in the transformation era towards whatever we call liberalisation to this era of democracy and modernisation.Sex is the virteuos value our society upheld through generations and through the teachings of all religions.In otherwards Sex should be as it was and is, as laid down by Religion and upheld by society through generations as sacred as it should be and should not be manipulated by a society which is progressing in whatever way or direction it is going.In this way the most important virtue which determines character,self respect and integerity that is sex should be as what society and religion as upheld it as such. A conservative society doesn't really mean it is not progressive or democratic but a society where the most important virtue is upheld that is Sex should be done with a commintment towards marriage,without Lust and as my learned friend Ulysess puts it "People should think before having Sex".Sex with mutual emotions is sacred and sex with lust is an animalistic behaviour.Sexual incompatabilites is an excuse we humans coined but with emotions and understanding sex can be made compatabile and everlasting.So the question of scarfice in relationship to sex when sex is incompatable doesn't really rise for it can be made compatabile through understanding each other's needs.These are my views and what worries me is how we manipulate sex for our lust more than anything and make it as holy as it seems with a sense of guilt always in us after sex before marriage. Rajkumar
                          Rajkumar

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Tradition with a Twist

                            I think that traditional values should be respected and upheld, but with a modern point of view in a relationship. Ukrainian women should not be seen as homemakers-stuck to do housework all day. As well, Ukrainian men should not be viewed as Kozaky on horseback. Tradition is important in order to maintain a pure culture and a system of beliefs. Couples should respect each other and treat each other with dignity.
                            We all know Ukrainian women like to be honored for who they are, but so should men. When couples are in a relationship, they shouldn't take things for granted-it's not a game. People must be respected.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Laryska,Traditional values of Ukraine....

                              Laryska, could you enlighten me further on what you just mentioned about Ukrainian women should not be seen as homemakers.It gives me the impression that Ukrainian women at one time or the other were basically confined to their homes after marriage to look into the needs of the husband as well as the children and behave strictly as housewives.Was this in the Ukraine society at one time or the other? And if it is, can I add to say that is why the society in Ukraine is some sort conservative.The reason why I am asking you this Laryska,is because if it is so then I see the simalarities in the Indian society which is also one of the most conservative society.To be very frank I still can't figure out what type of society Ukrainians are after all.I have participated in many threads here in Ukraine.com and the way the threads are centered on Ukraine women adds further confusion to me on the exact status of your society.Of course we live in a modern era,and just as you said traditional values should be upheld but what traditional values are you refering to about Ukraine. Could you throw some light on these values your society upholds? Thank You Rajkumar
                              Rajkumar

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