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traveling to Kharkov, meeting several women, any advice?

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  • traveling to Kharkov, meeting several women, any advice?

    Hello all.
    This is my first post on this site, and it is in advance of my first trip to Ukraine. I have an airline ticket and hotel reservations to go spend a week in Kharkiv this summer. I am sure I could have picked a better time, but the troubles in Eastern Ukraine didn't flare up until a few days after I purchased my ticket. I do have insurance that I can use to cancel my trip for any reason(beyond the covered ones) and at least get 75% of my ticket cost back.

    Note that I am not trying to find an incredibly young woman half my age, I don't want a housewife to make and raise babies, and I want an equal partnership, a real romance. I have also suggested that she continue to pursue her career in America, or I will even consider moving to Ukraine. Also, I realize that multiple trips will need to be made to properly romance my lady, and I am prepared not to be disappointed if things do not work out as expected. At least it will be a unique vacation, an adventure! :-)

    This is my trip to Ukraine situation:
    4 weeks ago, I met a 47 year old woman(#1) in Kharkov online through an agency. I am 52. We have hit it off like gangbusters, better than anyone else I've ever met online. This is what spurred my ticket purchase and hotel booking. We chat and email four or five times each week, not quite every day, but often. Both of us can't wait until the time comes, about 16 more weeks. I get very good feelings from her and she's stayed positive and given me the feeling that this will be ok. We have traded full names and postal addresses, and everything seems on the level so far. Oh, and she says she has an interpreter in mind, but she has not been insistent about it.

    My situation is, that this week I was contacted by two different women in Kharkov that I have talked to before, but I thought they weren't interested; #2 is 40 years old and #3 is 44, and we have also have had very good experiences online. I would like to meet them also on this trip. They both know I will be there this summer, but #2 does not yet know that I may meet others during the week, and #3 was told today about the others, but I have not yet gotten her reaction.

    Woman #1 has assumed she will be the only one I am visiting at this point, and I do plan to tell her about the others, but I don't know how this will be received. I want to be honest and respectful with everyone about my intentions...woman #1 is in the lead for my heart, but #2 and I have made a great connection. #3 is new to me, thus I chose to tell her first. What should I do? Am I running a risk of losing them all by trying to meet multiple people on one trip(like a tour)? Is any of this a good idea?

    I specifically did not take a "tour" trip, because it's just not my style, so I'm winging it. I found a travel agency through that has all the services a la carte I will need to have a good time. Does anyone have advice about any aspect of my trip and situation?


  • #2
    Reading through the threads in this forum, I came across one gentleman rcshott who said the women are "beautiful... AND V-E-R-Y JEALOUS! So NEVER say you know others from ANYWHERE!"
    He also said, "NEVER tell one lady you have visited or spoken to others."

    Is this true? It would be helpful to get confirmation.
    If so, then I guess I should meet each woman independently and try to keep them away from each other. I just hate being deceptive, so comments one way or the other would be helpful.

    Thanks again!


    • #3
      If it sounds too good to be true.....then it probably is.....

      The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence....

      The women in Ukraine,,(France, England, Italy, Greece, etc etc,) are no different than the ones in the US...

      Edit......after reading your post again,,,,women are not objects to be shopped for in a supermarket, to pick the best choice......

      Get a life......respectfully.....


      • #4
        Thank you for posting you opinion, even though it is judgmental and not very helpful. I am not "shopping" any more than knowing several women and trying to decide which I'd like to date. I am not trying to exploit or objectify anyone; I am honest in my search for romance, the same as someone would use a conventional dating site to meet new people. I am only asking for a little help understanding the cultural differences so that I do not unintentionally hurt anyone.
        Last edited by USA2Kharkiv; 21st April 2014, 23:19.


        • #5
          As I made my last post, I have decided that the best course of action is to just be honest with everyone about everything, much as I do at home. If I lose someone through being honest, then it was not meant to be to begin with.
          Last edited by USA2Kharkiv; 22nd April 2014, 06:21. Reason: for clarity


          • #6
            How do you think #2 and #3 found out about your trip? (Also, its funny to refer to them by numbers, but it's logical here :-))

            Well I'm not a woman, but if you're truly interested in a Ukrainian woman, I don't think its wrong to meet all three on this trip. But, you sound like you were happy with #1. I don't know the full situation but it sounds like you settled for #1 because things with #2 and 3 didn't work out, but now that they're back, #1 can move aside. Whatever your choice, I think it's best to tell them all. If they don't like it, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

            Welcome to the forum and best of luck on your trip. Let us know how it works out.

            See whats been posted in the past day.

            Contact forum moderators here.


            • #7
              stepanstas said, "How do you think #2 and #3 found out about your trip? (Also, its funny to refer to them by numbers, but it's logical here :-))"

              Yes, kind of like The Dating Game TV game show from the 1960's/70's! I know the numbers sound weird, but I did not want to use their names.

              The newer women found out about my trip because I told them I was planning to come before it occurred to me that the one I talked to first might be hurt(d'oh!). I read some comments about Ukrainian women being jealous, so I thought I should get some advice before I just told #1 about it. Ultimately, I am uncomfortable with anything that could be construed as a deception, so if I decide to arrange to meet all three women, everyone will know far in advance that's what will happen. I thought if the situation were reversed, and a woman was coming to America to spend time with me and I found out she was also meeting others here, I would be disappointed.

              Lady #1 is closest to my age and I like her the best so far. I know the most about her, and it seems we really click! Everything she has told me so far has checked out, and I feel confident she is being straight with me. I really enjoy our letters and our chats, and she is not pushing to hurry for any reason. She says I need to come to Ukraine, we should decide together if we will continue, and I must meet her family and friends. She will then need to come here and visit to see how/where I live, meet my family, etc. It sounds as if she has her priorities in order, and she seems as cautious as I hope I am.

              I am interested in finding a Slavic woman because I have been divorced for 11 years and I've not found anyone in the US during that time that was going to work long-term for me. Add to that the personalities and values of two married ladies I know, colleagues from Ukraine and Russia, and I was inspired to look for my match there. Besides being an exciting adventure, finding my match on the other side of the planet in a completely different culture is terribly romantic. It is also a great reason to travel and see a place I've never been.

              Sorry for this novel I've written, but I am pumped up about my solo trip! I don't like the idea of marrying someone closer to my daughter's age than mine, as beautiful and willing as they may be. I want someone that has had the same kind of life experiences I have. I want someone that's my emotional peer, my partner in life, a companion to travel with, and for us to get old together, wherever we end up. I feel that if there is anything that seems sordid, or morally wrong with this, then it will taint the whole deal. I want my match to feel as lucky to have me as I will feel getting her.

              Thank you for your post, and I will write about how this turns out. My friendly Slavic colleagues are encouraging me to write a story or blog about the whole experience; they guarantee I will have some great stories to tell!


              • #8
                Please be careful and keep as low of a profile as you can while there. Before my first trip to Ukraine, I talked to a lot of women, and planned to date many. I didn't want to go all that way to find out there was no chemistry, or that the girl wouldn't show up at all as happens to some.

                I didn't like dating multiple people. The first girl I dated did not know about the others, When she found out, she teased me relentlessly about it.

                The second girl knew I was dating others.

                I ended up stopping at two, because I liked both of them.

                I find Ukrainian women to be jealous....but then again, I am also engaged to girl #2


                • #9
                  Thanks for posting about your experience, Daniel. I, like you, have always been uncomfortable trying to get to know, or to be interested in more than one woman at a time, it feels unnatural.

                  I decided to be honest with all the women, despite a Ukraine-based marriage agency's advice not to tell. The first woman seemed a little upset, but she got over it quickly, still wants to meet, and does not bring up the other women at all. We are corresponding as normal, and have shared postal addresses, email addresses and full names. If I had to guess at this point, I would say that she is the one I am most comfortable with and perhaps not coincidentally, closest to my age.

                  The remaining women know they are not the only ones, yet they also want to meet. Things could change as we get to know each other over the next 3 months. Some I seem more compatible with than others, and I am in various stages of sharing information with each of them. So far, things are going very well. My plan is to narrow it down to just two or three ladies to meet, and from those, one lady to pursue a dating relationship with. Ultimately, I think dating will span multiple trips to Ukraine, and for her to possibly come to the US as well. It will have to be right between us, or I will come home empty-handed, and I am fully prepared for that. I don't know when or if a proposal will occur, I try not to think about it - if it happens, I hope it will come naturally, and not feel forced.

                  Thanks for the concern about safety - I have insurance on my trip if something happens and I decide not to go. I still want to go, even with the troubles, but I am hoping that the unrest will be diminished in three months. I do not plan on going out of the hotel much unaccompanied by one or more Ukrainians, and hopefully I won't look like I have a target on my back! I have found a reliable English-speaking travel agency that offers many services for visiting foreigners at reasonable prices, like interpreters, transportation, side trips and dinner reservations and such. They are telling me that many foreigners are still visiting Kharkov safely. But, we shall see how it is in August.

                  Thanks again for your reply!


                  • #10
                    Crisis in Ukraine 03.13.14
                    Is Kharkiv Ukraine’s Next Tipping Point?
                    Ukraine’s second-largest city, and its first Soviet capital, is a world away from the pro-European revolutionary fervor of Kiev. Most natives speak Russian as their first language, and are more in thrall to Russian culture than Ukrainian. Pushkin, not Shevchenko, is their poet of choice. With the Russian border just 30 miles away, the big neighbor casts a long shadow over this industrial city. Lenin still towers over the main square, whose streets are dotted with posters advertising upcoming gigs by Russian pop stars and theaters. Kharkiv was the first city in Ukraine to embrace Communism, and was the first capital of Soviet Ukraine between the wars. The city is also famous for the Malyshev Tractor Factory, which built many of the Soviet Union’s iconic tanks, including the Cold War’s T-80 series. The residents’ memories of the Soviet Union are also a lot rosier than those from Western Ukraine, who were forcibly annexed after the Second World War.

                    When some pro-European activists tried to take down the statue of Lenin, the city’s taxi drivers scuttled their efforts by surrounding the monument in defense. The Lenin statue has now become the focal point of protests for Russia, and against the ‘fascists’ in Kiev.

                    Ukraine’s future as a unified state depends on bellwether cities like Kharkiv, where residents are split between pro-European and pro-Russian camps.
                    Is Kharkiv Ukraine’s Next Tipping Point? - The Daily Beast
                    Kharkiv an island of calm in Ukraine's turbulent east
                    Ukraine’s second city appears stable despite shooting of powerful mayor

                    Kharkiv latest news May 8, 2014 The Irish Times
                    As violence and instability intensified to the south, many predicted trouble for Kharkiv and its surrounding region, which borders Russia.

                    But those fears have proved unfounded.

                    “Officials in Kharkiv have worked better on security issues than in Donetsk and Luhansk, arresting some organisers of the unrest and stopping financing coming from Russia,” said pro-government activist Dmytro Pilipets.

                    “I don’t feel any great tension here now. I don’t think aggressive moves would work.”
                    Kharkiv an island of calm in Ukraine's turbulent east - European News | Latest News from Across Europe | The Irish Times - Thu, May 08, 2014

                    æ, !

                    Hannia - Hania - Mighthelp


                    • #11
                      Thanks for the update, Hannia! Those I am talking with in Kharkiv say there is cause for concern, but the unrest has not made any difference in daily lives there. Kharkiv still seems to be entertaining foreign guests at about the same rate as always, according to a travel agent I spoke with there.


                      • #12
                        I have never met a travel agent that told me the whole truth. Have you?

                        No matter how the news is cut, these are turbulent times in Ukraine and it will not be over soon.

                        æ, !

                        Hannia - Hania - Mighthelp


                        • #13
                          Yes, I thought about that; travel agents of course would want me to come and spend money with them no matter what was going on. I'll continue watching with anticipation, I'm glad I bought trip insurance. If I don't go to Ukraine, I can always got to Colorado to visit relatives!


                          • #14
                            There are Ukrainians in Colorado. Look for Ukrainian social events, especially in places like Denver. Get a little pre-exposure to Ukrainian people and culture and stay safe at the same time. When things settle down in Ukraine, then make the trip. What's the adage? When given lemons, make lemonade.

                            æ, !

                            Hannia - Hania - Mighthelp


                            • #15
                              The problem is that the trip is not 100% refundable unless there is a terrorist act, or war begins, but I really hope those don't happen. If it is not terribly bad, then I will try to go to Ukraine in August - hopefully that will be enough time following the elections to see if things settle.

                              Meeting Ukrainians locally, or in Colorado, is a great idea I had not thought of, though, and I will pursue that.

                              I like comedian Ron White's version of the lemonade adage: "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party!"