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Ukrainian boyfriend asking for gift

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  • Ukrainian boyfriend asking for gift

    Hello. I'm involved in something that is quickly turning into a serious relationship with a man from Ukraine. He is very keen for me to come there to be with him and is already speaking about getting an apartment for us and having children. Yes..I know my first entry is limited for 90 days or something like that. He is speaking quite intimately with me and speaks of making love and all of this although we still haven't met in person. To be honest..I'm a very sensual type I'm not really offended..but I'm not sure if it's normal for maybe someone from Ukraine... I thought Ukrainian women don't talk much about sex or something like that..

    He tells me I'm very beautiful and has just asked me for a picture of my breasts? Can someone please tell me if this is normal for Ukrainian men to be speaking of making love and wanting revealing photos such as this? Would they behave this way with a Ukrainian woman or is it because I'm from the west? (although my family originally came from Ukraine and Russia)...

    Also, we were talking about Christmas and he asked me if I could help him buy a samsung galaxy tablet. I was rather shocked. I've never had a man, especially one I haven't yet met in person ask me to buy them a gift. I came right out and told him that and that maybe he is interested in me only for money... Since then he has sent me a billion emails, a song, flower pics, Christmas card, etc...saying he is sorry that he asked me and he isn't interested in money, but I still have not answered any of his message because I'm still considering the situation.. I don't want someone using me for money.... At the same time him and I have become very close and I have feelings for him. He claims he wants to be with and never let me go.... He's not with me for a he has relatives in my country and can get help from them. However, regarding both the sexuality and the gift request...any advice, please?? I'd be most gratefull.....

  • #2
    Hi seagirl

    It sounds very much to me that this man is "grooming" you.

    Please take a look at the information below and bear in mind that I'm definitely not suggesting that you are a child (so don't let that put you off), but the principles are the same - and be very, very cautious. Grooming
    Children put themselves at great risk by communicating online with individuals they do not know in person. Internet predators intentionally access sites that children visit and can even search for potential victims by location or interest.

    Online grooming is a process which can take place in a short time or over an extended period of time. Initial conversations online can appear innocent, but often involve some level of deception. As the predator (usually an adult) attempts to establish a relationship to gain a child’s trust, he may initially lie about his age or may never reveal his real age to the child, even after forming an established online relationship. Often, the groomer will know popular music artists, clothing trends, sports team information, or another activity or hobby the child may be interested in, and will try to relate to the child.

    These tactics lead children to believe that no one else can understand them or their situation like the groomer. After the child’s trust develops, the groomer may use sexually explicit conversations to test boundaries and exploit a child’s natural curiosity about sex. Predators often use pornography and child pornography to lower a child’s inhibitions and use their adult status to influence and control a child’s behavior.

    They also flatter and compliment the child excessively and manipulate a child’s trust by relating to emotions and insecurities and affirming the child’s feelings and choices.

    Remember: The ultimate goal of the “groomer” is to arrange an in-person meeting to engage in sexual relations with the child or teen!

    Predators will:
    Prey on teen’s desire for romance, adventure, and sexual information
    Develop trust and secrecy: manipulate child by listening to and sympathizing with child’s problems and insecurities
    Affirm feelings and choices of child
    Exploit natural sexual curiosities of child
    Ease inhibitions by gradually introducing sex into conversations or exposing them to pornography
    Flatter and compliment the child excessively, sends gifts, and invests time, money, and energy to groom child
    Develop an online relationship that is romantic, controlling, and upon which the child becomes dependent
    Drive a wedge between the child and his or her parents and friends
    Make promises of an exciting, stress-free life, tailored to the youth’s desire
    Make threats, and often will use child pornography featuring their victims to blackmail them into silence


    • #3
      Thank you for your reply, Sanmarie...

      What did you mean that he could be 'grooming' me? For sex?? If you'd seen, him...such a nice body..he's lucky I'm not grooming him for sex... Yes, make me a victim! Please..I beg you! I'm only joking, of course...

      As for the request for help buy a Samsung tablet..I've been thinking about it and as I am from the UK and travel a lot and what he sees of my lifestyle..he may think a tablet is cheap change for me..where it is maybe an entire paychek for him. I don't want to appear like a greedy westerner to him when I am traveling to exotic places constantly. I know he would like me to settle down with him and speaks of creation of family as the most important thing in life and is very keen to have children. So, I do consider why would he want children with me if he was going to use me? Hmmm... Family life in Ukraine is very important.. His parents are thrilled I'm coming to him in Ukraine. However, I'm being very cautious.... Still a bit of head scratching on this one....


      • #4
        privett seagirl
        just read your post, so will hopefully give you some answers
        as sanmarie said you should be very, very cautious
        as a guy writing 2 you i think then you must be very, very beautiful seagirl for lucky ukrainian lads here have the pick of the most beautiful woman in europe make no mistake on this but he has picked you, so maybe you should give him one chance
        da i agree with you some ukrainian lads do have the good-looks for we have a little 4 year-old ukrainian lad and he is just gorgeous and for sure in2 the future will have the girls here chasing him much!
        if this guy of yours here in ukraine does not smoke or drink vodka then you are in with catching a coool man, but if he smokes and drinks then dump him now right now, why you ask?. ok ukrainian men smoke like a steam train like there is no-tomorrow here and it stinks like hell with their health 2, 2 they die young. vodka is like water 2 most ukrainian men some like the drink more than they like their wife/girlfriend. i think you best be-warned 2 this ok for when i see a beautiful ukrainian woman non-smoker out with her boyfriend/husband who is smoking like a chimney its bad very bad let alone the vodka 2
        da you is right you have any 90 days you want here in ukraine with-in the 180 days of free visa entry here 2 ukraine so you have plenty of time 2 see if this is the right guy for you. if you do decide 2 come here but need a friendly ukrainian woman who knows ukrainian men inside-out then im sure my girlfriend (lyudmila) would help you here or facebook
        good luck


        • #5
          Nude photos?????

          Wowa guy asking for nude photos and a Samsung Galaxy. Whats next?? Are u that naive? Wake up and face reality. Have been to Ukraine couple of times for buz and know the culture pretty well. Good luck coz U will need it.


          • #6
            Hello I read your post. I have been going to Ukrainian dating sites for a while now. It took me a long time to find a decent woman. Alot of them are looking for handouts and I think this man is trying the same to you. Get rid of him there are plenty of fish in the sea. If there are questions i n your mind about the things he is saying to you that should be an indication to you not to speak with him anymore. You will klnow if you have found a decent person, your instincts will tell you.
            Sincerely, Martin


            • #7
              I agree with Martin and all others who have negative answers for you, Normal person will not ask you anything with out getting to know you first. If you havent met him, dont meet him, if you still want to get in Ukraine you dont need a visa (for 90 days) its more than enough to get person better. You can stay in Hotel for example. So living will not be a problem, Although its about 100$ per night in Kiev in 4 star hotel (but really decent).


              • #8
                I met a very nice Ukrainian man through an online chat where I was seeking help with learning Russian. Of course over time the conversation became more on a personal level, and I'm now planning to meet him in a neutral country. Not Ukraine nor USA. Not once has he said anything overtly sexual to me, nor tried to steer the conversations in that direction. On Skype he is also very polite. In my experience, I've not had one American man be able to talk for so long without trying to bring the conversation down to that level.

                This fact coupled with what seems to be a strong desire toward family life, has made me consider the possibility of a relationship. Of course I also find him attractive, and he doesn't smoke or drink. He reminds me of what used to be the norm for southern gentlemen. It's very refreshing for me. There's no rush to meet either, we are just enjoying getting to know each other through Skype and chatting. Will be several months before I can take the time to meet, and he is fine with that.

                I just wanted to add a positive response reference a Ukrainian man, as I've read some not so good reviews.


                • #9
                  Eeeh, darling! I stay with an Ukrainian man living in Italy and with a permanent visa but he never asked me for a gift. On the contrary, it's him to pay 9 times on 10 (ahaha, I am even jobless, olè!).
                  What you can do is: tell him to have lost your job, tell him that you are desperate coz in some months you will never be able to pay the rent of your house and that you don't plan to marry in your life (so, no visa through marriage for him) and see if he is still interested.
                  Last edited by Veshinka; 23rd September 2013, 15:53.