Abused and forsaken!

[stevenal_73]

I am alone tonight like I usually am. Insecure and scared at times of things. I am human and most people have the same feelings like I do. But, mine have controlled mny life since I was young....I feel the need to tell this story and I need some friends and some advice though I have analyzed it to death and only time and mend a broken heart. Only God knows? I am 27 yrs of age and I feel alone almost everyday. I have a horrible relationship with my parent`s. No! Not a normal relationship of love and giving. Oh no! My parent`s love me but they used fear as an agent of love. What do I mean? Beatings until my bottom side was black and blue, slapped when I talked back..to speek when spoken to, head dunked into cereal bowel because I was smaking my gums..and I did try to stop, my mother use to take everything I had on my dresser and throw it all around my romm..expecting me to put it in it`s proper place, rewash the dishes when she found some that we damp or a little dirty.My parent`s also faught all of the time...at least twice a week and sometimes violently physical..not just verbal. Yes! Now,after so much time, they are different. For the sake of the childen, they are still together and my father makes very good money as an engineer. I live by myself and I just got over some very bad health problem...pancreas failure.My confidence is low. I lost a car, had to walk back and forth to work for about two yrs, etc...It has been hard. I had to quit college because of health problems,which I was going to for engineering and I plan on returning back. I need some people to corresp with, to talk to, and to share their lives with me so that I do not dwell on the past too much. If anyone is there kind enough to share themselves with me...anyone, please help me. I am a very good listener and I do accept people the way they come to me. Pain is a universal concept and if u want to talk about your life with me, please let me know...Friends ?

[Phillip]

Always remember that there are people worse off then you.

Everybody craves understanding Steve, but you have to learn to be your own council. Then these bad things are your experiences and yours to deal with as you go. You are alive and have your whole life ahead of you. Sure we have all had bad experiences but I think expecting recompense is a pain you don't need to endure.

Think of the starving people in India or Ukraine. So often they accept their fate and keep going. It seems that it is all the same if you accept things and keep going. Take their example, my friend. life is a balance - you have to find the good in the bad.

I hope I am not preaching too much to you.

Cheers,

[Phillip]

Are you living at home?

Do you work?

[Lilly]

Phillip dearest, you are way off the mark on this one.

You can't compare stevenal73's problems and mental anguish with the social, political and economical problems of India and Ukraine. They are two entirely different situations.

The physical and psychological abuse/problems that steven endured and still suffers from, requires a different solution. Thinking that somewhere there are people worse off in the world won't help him.

Dear Steven:
I know exactly where you are coming from. I (and my brother and sister), suffered horrible cruel abuse at the hands of an alcoholic mother after my father passed away. Some of your experiences mirror mine, and worse. Oh, the stories I could tell you.I could not wait to escape from her sadistic and spiteful treatment of me.

Counciling is beneficial and it helped me overcome most of my ordeals. It made me stronger and able to cope with many trials and tribulations in my life.
As the saying goes, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" It took a long time to heal myself, but I prevailed. Working with abused children, also helped me overcome my problems. I guess I got the smarts from my Father, because mother was dumb as a stump. Only she would be stupid enough to go to Berlin to sing in an opera just as WWII broke out! Well, she was 16 years old at the time.....

The fighting and stubborn nature in me would not allow me to wallow in my misery and become like my mother. I was determined to be the opposite of her. I prevailed, thank God!

Steven, if you want to talk, email me at lillynomad@mailcity.com
If you want to talk on the phone, email your telephone #.I have a toll free routing number
which I can call you.

There are many good councilling agencies and encounter groups that can also help, along with your Pastor or Priest. Working with abused children is beneficial too, even though it sounds like it is the last thing you need to be reminded of. Trust me on this. It will prevent you from becoming an abuser yourself in most cases.

I am not an expert on this subject. I can only relate to it. I hope this helps you to find "the Path" in your life. I care.

LillyNomad

[stevenal_73]

Yes Philip...I agree with you,to a point. I do appreciate everything that I have and, yes, there is a silverlining in the cloud always. I have found it in my experiences. In a certain sense, I have, on a microscale, experienced those problems of the countries mentioned. I could not work for an extended period of time, though I tried, and for two months I could not eat solid food because my body was treating it like a foreighn entitiy...like an alergy. Yes...I should not complain because I am stronger....Yes, I have emotional,thought processes that I have to work on so that I can feel confident to use the knowledge I know,but,yes, it can always be worse then it was and other people do have it worse then I do and did. It that respect..I agree. I should not feel so sorry for myself at times because,like you said, on the flip side, there is something good that comes from each of our experiences. Yes...I also agree with Lilly because you can`t compare experiences with anyone and maybe I didn`t tell you the whole story. I spoke the truth but sometimes existing alone with memories and experiences and maybe just only one or two people to share them with or to experience another person`s perspective and life..be it good or bad..get`s a bit lonely. No more complaints from me...I am working...and will be going back to school to finish my degree either next fall or in the spring. I handle a little preaching once in a while..and it`s good for the soul. Thanks, Steve.

[stevenal_73]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. We must take our situations and use it to our benefit. Yes....when I am calm and I think internally it is easy not to be afriad of new situations but when I am in that situation I begin to panic a little or making new friends...trusting people not to hurt you. Yes, there are more experiences I did not talk about but I have been through counceling and they just say that I need to go through counceling with my parent`s because it is my relationship with them that is the cause of my anguise and they refuse. But in the sense, Philip is a right to a point. Other people do have it worse then I do and I do appreciate just being alive though I have some problems intuitively with the issues with fear I have tried to control but ,like I said, when I am in the situation, I have a hard time not panicing. Yes, I will write sometime when I have a chance and we can discuss this in not such a public forum. Thankyou for relating to my experience because I appreciate it with all of my heart. I know that I am not alone and I refuse to become like my parent`s...The sad thing is I , in a sense, can see it from their perspective. They were young when they married and insecure...going through problems inside themselves that they allowed to effect me and each other. I do love them with all of my heart and I will never let my family..when I marry to go through the same things.Thanks for your support, Lilly. You sound like a very nice lady..>Where r u from? Signing off...Steve.

[emmett_y]

I cried about not having any shoes
untill I met a man with no feet.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice!
Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comperhension, shall gaurd your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethern, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Philipians 3;4-8