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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 26th July 2002, 04:40
Rajkumar Rajkumar is offline
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Laryska you have put the pieces together for me on what I was trying to say that when I have the feelings of pity on a woman I tend to fall in love with her.Yes Laryska I deeply fall in love with woman who are struggling in their lives.In return the least I expect from them is an appreciation but sad to say I never got that.Instead of me giving them a life they take my life in the process.Sometimes it may sound to others that I pity woman and fall in love with them just to exploit them and take advantage of their weakness.That's what my friends feel about me but that's not true.Deep within me my true intentions is to share what I have and to give such woman with such circumstances or the desperate sorry cases (Kaizer's words)a better life and to take them away from their present miseries or sufferings.I always felt it this way with woman with such sufferings and they touch my heart that I become so soft to them always pleasing them just to make them happy and to give them all what they have been deprived in life.Guess I paid for it the hard way and that was a marriage which ended in a divorce.But my conscience is clear and I continue my life hoping for that spark Laryska.I have gone through Donquichotte's statements that is "Hurting the one's we love can be a way of reassessing the strength of their love for us,that is bad,trying to make them part of us for our/their own sake,to make them/us less dependent,I am not sure it is more acceptable",and I am failing to understand exactly what you mean Donquichotte.Would you be kind enough to elaborate more on this so that this poor soul like me can figure it out.The second paragraph of Donquichotte's statement is what we have to be careful in a relationship of love."Most of the times we hurt someone just because we are underestimating the srength of his or her love,thus not realising the pain we have created".Well said Donquichotte and to add to it like you said it simply is "though it was intended but never meant".All this comes about when we want to test the love the other has for us.In the process of testing the love which amounts to doubting the love the other has for us we tend to either question the other directly with such questions like-"Honey how much do you love me,My dear do you really love me,How do I know that you really love me and not Donquichotte or Kaizer,Your actions don't prove your love for me,How do I know that you love me and not because of my money or prove it to me that you really love me.Questions like this is doubting the love of the other and such questions in a relationship of love can only hurt the other however best he or she shows his or her love for one another.Doubt in a relationship of love is hurting the other.If one has such a feeling of doubt in a love relationship one tends to become insecured and this leads to a sort of jealousy and suspiciousness and finally loss of self-control and the ultimate is flare of temper.It is the feeling of doubt that hurts the other in a love relationship.Remedy for such a situation when you have doubt is to come out of it or just simply end it politely.But again is it not human to have doubts of the other in a relationship of love? Please answer me.I will come back to you all on how Donquichotte's statement of "behaviour" in love and how does it hurt.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 26th July 2002, 06:23
Laryska Laryska is offline
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Laryska
Games?/?

Don,
Thanks for the love advice, but I really don't agree with your rules to the game. I don't believe that love is a game. Games are dishonest, and love should never be dishonest. I am an honest person, and I would feel terrible at playing games with the men I have loved. I have done this before, and it does not help anyone.
I could consider life a game to a certain extent but, , never love. I consider love and life two different things.
I may be young, but I know what is good for me. Sometimes you get hurt, other times you hurt others. Most love relationships are part of learning. The more you learn, the better you get at dealing with certain situations.
About Rule number two..... If both sides concealed their love for eachother waiting for the other to reveal their feelings, how would they know they ever loved one another?? I guess this is the chance you take?
When it comes to true love, I am very shy in revealing what I really feel. Maybe it is because I have been hurt before. I am more cautious then I used to be, and I learned to be this way from the mistakes I made. I always make sure I get a strong feeling of love from a man before I reveal any of my feelings.
Raj, I am glad you feel reasured that your feelings towards women were not inapropriate. Most women like men who they can relay on, and a man that they can be sure can take care of them.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 26th July 2002, 07:59
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Laryska
[B]Don,
Games are dishonest, and love should never be dishonest. I am an honest person, and I would feel terrible at playing games with the men I have loved. I have done this before, and it does not help anyone.
I could consider life a game to a certain extent but, , never love. I consider love and life two different things.
When it comes to true love, I am very shy in revealing what I really feel. Maybe it is because I have been hurt before. I am more cautious then I used to be, and I learned to be this way from the mistakes I made. I always make sure I get a strong feeling of love from a man before I reveal any of my feelings.


Laryska,

I envy you, as you know whats good for you, few people do.
You're missing my point I think, but then we may not have the same understanding of "game".

I do not see anything "dishonest" in this love game, quite contrary (nor in many others, please tell me why games are dishonest ?)
You consider Love and life two different things : how is that ? Can you live without love ? can you love without being alive ? Aren't they so intertwined they constantly influence each other ?
You seem to disagree with rule number two, and then you admit you apply it ("I always make sure...reveal.."

A few contradictions I would say, but aren't we all full of them ?


Raj,
I owe you some explanations and will get back to you soon.

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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 26th July 2002, 18:08
Laryska Laryska is offline
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Laryska
Don,
I re-read my statements, and yes I did contratict myself. If I considered games dishonest, and I considered life a game to a certain extent, then that is wrong because I don't feel my life is a constant lie. So now I think neither life nor love is a game. But I think I know what you mean by game. YOu feel that maybe it is some sort of survivial game? Those that are strong prevail, and those that are weak fail?? This is true for both love, and life.
My idea of a game is something where you can cheat and manipulate. It's competitive, and many times when men are looking for love they usually don't come across as themselves, so women are so easily to fall in love with them. The same goes for women too. But, this game I do not play. I never compete amongst my girlfriends to find a man. And I never lie to a man that I have feelings for. That to me is wrong. However, in life I think I do compete. I compete in my career, I compete do be the best I can be, etc. But I don't see why I would really compete in love relationships.
Mostly with love and life I believe largely on fate. Many people might think this is B.S, but it is and it's not. I have received so many things in my life I did not expect nor did I plan out for them to happen. I believe this was fate, or luck, or whatever you want to call it. Somethings you can control in your life, but when fate decides to pay you a visit, this you cannot control.
Maybe these last comments cleared things up a bit?
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 29th July 2002, 10:00
Rajkumar Rajkumar is offline
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How are you Laryska? Now where is our wiseman Donquichotte?Something tells me he is now in a serious relationship with a woman and he is quite busy to attend to us right now.Anyway I wish him the very best and hope this time things work out well for him.Laryska I am a little worried when you told us that you are now very cautious in having a relationship with man when it comes to love.By being cautious how will you allow a man to get to know you better.Besides by being cautious won't it be like acting towards a man and not showing your true self.Laryska would you agree with me that woman or man who are cautious in a relationship of love must have had a very bad experience in their previous relationships such as they may have been jilted for another person or a promise of marriage was not kept up with.So this makes them cautious in their future relationship as they have been very sincere in their feelings to one another.Then it is fair for them to be cautious in their future relationship.But to me most of the times such people are cautious because deep within them they are looking for the qualities of that person in their previous relationship.Usually Laryska such people who are cautious in any future relationship always look forward in their future patners the same qualities as the man or woman whom they had been in love with before.Would you agree with me Laryska? That's how I see in woman who are very cautious in their relationship and most of the times I could see they always compare their previous love affairs with the present one and nothing seem to make them forget their previous lover inspite of being jilted by them.All I want to know Laryska why is it difficult to get the love of a woman who had been in love with another man and who has been hurt or jilted by that same man and yet it is so difficult to convince that woman on our love to her.Why does she tend to become cautious? Is it because she is unable to forget her first lover and is that why she is cautious? Please do give me your views as I am trying to figure out this in my ex-wife's attitude towards me.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 29th July 2002, 18:00
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rajkumar
[B]How are you Laryska? Now where is our wiseman Donquichotte?Something tells me he is now in a serious relationship with a woman and he is quite busy to attend to us right now.Anyway I wish him the very best and hope this time things work out well for him.them.All I want to know Laryska why is it difficult to get the love of a woman who had been in love with another man and who has been hurt or jilted by that same man and yet it is so difficult to convince that woman on our love to her.Why does she tend to become cautious? Is it because she is unable to forget her first lover and is that why she is cautious?


Hello Raj,

I was indeed with the most demanding mistress of all, work !
(Very demanding but hopefully rewarding too).
And as an unfaithful partner I am about to leave her for my favorite of all, whose name is vacationinodessafortwoto threeweeks.
Women are cautious by nature, probably because of their motherhood instinct.But when it comes to bad previous experiences, I think men will not react differently and be suspicious too. (I have been)
It is very difficult to "prove" one's love because words cannot achieve that, whether said or written, and even engagements can be broken quite easily so that the only proof of one's love is brought day after day, little by little, and one cannot accelerate the process.Time will tell of your love for someone, nothing else can.
"Love's measure is what you are willing to sacrifice for it",

and what greater sacrifice than time, our only true wealth ?


Laryska,

You have made your point, and as you guessed well I will confess I had understood what you originally meant.
I unduly stole some of your time spent answering, and I am in debt.
Raj as justice of peace,think of a penalty, and consider it accepted, as I know your decision will be wise and merciful.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 29th July 2002, 18:19
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Laryska
[B]Don,
IMostly with love and life I believe largely on fate. Many people might think this is B.S, but it is and it's not. I have received so many things in my life I did not expect nor did I plan out for them to happen. I believe this was fate, or luck, or whatever you want to call it. Somethings you can control in your life, but when fate decides to pay you a visit, this you cannot control.


Laryska,

I really want to comment on the above.
Do not believe in fate, that if its bound to happen it will, because it will not.
What fate/fortune will do is put you in situations, allow you to meet certain persons, but nothing else if you don't act on it.
Be active, go for it and do not expect it to come to you or most times it won't : you were lucky enough to be offered the possibility to make it happen, don't expect more than that.

Just imagine Cary Grant not trying everything he can to seduce Deborah Kerr on the cruise ship to the states, and "An Affair to Remember" does not exist !

What if Audrey Hepburn had not decided to conquer at all costs Humprey Bogart's heart eventhough he barely looked at her ? Then "Sabrina" would be pointless !


I am talking straight out of 36 years of experience and often I wish someone had told me that long ago when I believed exactly like you that fate would decide and bring me the right person on a "silver plate".
The right person will exist because you will have made him such.

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