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  #8 (permalink)  
Old 24th July 2002, 21:43
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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Donquichotte
The truth lies in the silences in between words

there.But my wiseman Donquichotte will not have reacted the way I reacted to such woman.Whatever it maybe but Donquichotte has wise words and I only wish he could .Something tells me that those wise words of his is from the experience with the women he is or was in love.Donquichotte tell me who are you after all? Hope Laryska will agree on this about Donquichotte. [/B][/QUOTE]

Dear Raj,

Was I ? probably once. I did gain experience.For a price way beyond my means.
Am I ? no.
Trying to avoid ? yes, and if along that line of conduct, I have recently upset someone special after a temporary "loss" of self-control,it was intended but not meant.

As for who I am, like anyone else the answer will vary according to whom the question is asked, and I am the least qualified, being too close to the subject, to give a proper definition.

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Old 24th July 2002, 22:22
Laryska Laryska is offline
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Laryska
Love, a strange and powerful thing

I just skimmed over all of these posts....
The main idea I get behind all of these comments is that we are trying to define love. I think love is different for everyone, and people express their love to one another very differently.
I have found that sometimes those that we love the most, we can hurt the most. I know that if I was arguing with my sister, I would intentionally tell her hurtful things. This is because I know her better than anyone else does, and I know exactly which buttons to push. I love her, and this love can sometimes go in the negative dirrection. However, if I was arguing with an accquiantance I would not be as forceful, and probably wouldn't hurt the person that much.
The point is, love can be dangerous and hurtful very often. But we as human beings have to realize the hurt and pain we cause our loved ones, and correct our behaviors.
The comments made about pittying a women.. I don't really understand. Perhaps I should read more carefuly. I believe that you would pitty someone who is suffering, misguided, etc. But the idea of pittying a woman just because she is a woman, and she " doesn't know any better" does not sit well with me. I don't think that is fair. Maybe this is not what you all were talking about. But I decided to share my thoughts anyways.
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Old 25th July 2002, 05:33
Rajkumar Rajkumar is offline
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Laryska,pittying a woman is actually pittying a woman because of the circumstances she is in.This is what I meant when I said about pittying a woman.Pittying a woman does not in any way refer to a woman being inferior.So don't misunderstand me as I have the highest respect for women.I took pity on a woman because of the circumstances she was in and that was poverty.Like you have said pittying a woman may also include sufferings or she has been misguided.Pittying itself is an emotional factor and to me pittying a woman aroses my emotional feeling and to me it can be a feeling of love.That's how I feel when I pity a woman and it sort of stirrs my feeling towards her.Why can't this feeling of pity towards a woman which itself is an emotional feeling be considered a feeling of love? I am sure many of you will disagree with me but to me I still consider it a feeling of love because it stirrs my emotions and this makes me want to know her further.That feeling of pity to me is the begining of my love towards her.I really don't know how to make you understand this Laryska but when the feeling of pity on a woman is developed on me it makes me want to know her better.I hope this explains it.It may sound crazy but when that feeling of pity is naturally developed within me I just feel that I am in love with a woman.How's that Laryska, Kaizer and Donquichotte? It looks silly but to me thats how it is with a woman whom I fall for or in love with.When I have this feeling of pity on a woman than I feel I am in love.This feeling of pity goes beyond just poverty.The feeling of pity on a woman may also be from the sufferings she is undergoing such as being terminally ill ,betrayal by others,depressed for reasons known to her or whatever emotional problems she is undergoing.All of these mentioned above are sufferings on a woman and this sufferings creates a feeling of pity towards the woman in such a way that I develop a feeling of love towards them.Unless I have this feeling of pity on a woman than only can I love them.Anyway I am trying to express my feelings of love towards a woman and I don't seem to get it right I suppose.My friends always laugh at me whenever I tell my feelings of love for a woman that is pity and I always tell myself that I will never ever get in any conversation of love with my friends as their laughter on what I have to say about my love is like I am not a man to their eyes.But here I go again telling you all what makes me love a woman but all I ask you all is not to laugh at me or look down at me but make me understand that pity is not love.At least I aknowledge what Kaizer had said I should respect a woman for what she is and not treat her the way I and his friends did just because of her circumstances.Donquichotte I wonder who is that woman whom you upsetted after a temporary loss of self control,though it was intended but not meant.How very nice the way you put it Donquichotte.The woman was someone special to you,the woman you were hidding the feelings of love towards her,for Donquichotte is one man who wants to be sure of himself and expressing that feeling he had on this woman, Donquichotte felt within himself that it is a weakness by him and this weakness which he was developing in himself was a defeat to him as he had always felt that he was a strong minded person and an emotionally strong man.The weakness Donquichotte was developing in him was affecting him physically and emotionally and there was a conflict in him now.To Donquichotte this love he had for the woman was already affecting him and Donquichotte was't ready to accept this fact that he was now in love.Donquichotte tried to destroy this feeling of love for this woman in every manner possible but it was just impossible as he was destroying himself in the process.The love for that woman was getting stronger and stronger and eveytime he wanted to erase this woman from his mind he only reached his hands for the phone just to hear from her and this made him better both physically and mentally.That woman Donquichotte was in love knew very well the love he had for her but one day when that same woman told Donquichotte that she knows how deep was Donquichotte's love for her,Donquichotte lost his cool for he could not accept the fact the woman has already known his intense love for her and to Donquichotte this was a weakness he had exposed to her though hidding it so well from her and Donquichotte lost his self control and denied the love he had for her.When this happened Donquichotte without knowingly passed a few uncalled remarks to her and that upsetted her very badly.When she hung up Donquichotte realised that he had hurt her so badly that he only wished he could have explained it better to her and clear the misunderstanding.But to Donquichotte his readiness to clear the misunderstanding with her is a conflict in him whether to do it or not.So goes Donquichotte with this in mind,asking himself each day whether or not to phone her and clarify the issue.For Donquichotte phoning her again souds like a wakness he has for her and till today Donquichotte has this confusion within him.You must remember Donquichotte is a man who does not like to show any weakness whatsoever to a woman and he is a strong minded man.There was the element of "intended" and that was to tell her that he did not love her but deep within Dinquichotte he loved her so much and this makes me conclude that Donquichotte never meant it.With this my wiseman is my conclusions on what you said in your posting and I have got the answers like you said through thise hidden words in your posting.Understanding in betweem and in those words of yours-the hidden meaning and the answers about you I seeked and got.your expert comments Donquichotte on my analysis is very much appreciated.Thank You
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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 25th July 2002, 07:09
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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Donquichotte
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Good Morning Raj,

And congratulations for thorough analysis, though I have to slightly correct it.

Fighting back feelings is more likely the case when you are not emotionally strong, or did get carried away by totally irrational factors.(imagination being the most lethal of all)

As for true pity, not the one based on superiority but on the dislike of other people suffering, it has one common thing with love, and that is caring for someone else beyond oneself, but other than that its not the same and misatking one for the other can only lead to disaster once the reason for which you pitied a person has disappeared because you cured it.
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Old 25th July 2002, 07:22
Laryska Laryska is offline
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Laryska
Understood

Raj,
Now I understand what you meant by pittying a woman. What it is, is you feel sorry and deeply fall in love with those women who have struggled in their lives. I see in you have loving, and giving spirit. There is nothing wrong with this. I would not really call this pittying. I always feel pity has a negative conotation. YOu simply are a giving person, who picks up on people who are in need. It seems to me you have been doing this your whole life, and sometimes many who you have helped have not appreciated your love for them, and have taken advantage of you. This is sad, but like a previously mentioned I understand how this feels. I recently helped my sister move into her new home. I helped un pack her things, I cleaned most of her place for her... And when she had a party celebrating her new home and engagement I prepared some of the meal, and when she was too busy with other things I took over and was the hostess for the evening. The point is, at the end of the night I was so tired, that I decided I would stay over at her place. Instead of her giving me a nice bed to sleep on, she gave it to her fiancee, and I ended up sleeping on the floor. I am very hurt by this. I was a guest in her new home, and she gave me the floor to sleep on ( I also washed this floor). Her fiancee had the nerve to gloat and ask how well I slept on the floor.
Anyways, I too know what it is like to be hurt by someone you love and care about. I was put second best, and maybe I should accept this, but I know I would never treat a guest in this manner. Ever since my sister got engaged it seems I have drifted farther and farther apart from her.. and it seems I have almost lost respect for her.
Anyways.... I have gotten side tracked with my own issues, and this was not the point.
Rajkumar, I don't think that the way you care, and feel sorry for women is something to laugh about. I am sure your other male friends probably do not value women as much as you do. They cannot grasp why you care for those who are struggling or in need of love. I get the feeling that you respect women who have been challenged in their lives, you respect their courage, and this is a very good thing.
With my relationships with men, I am currently not seeking any sort of "soul" mate. I just want to have fun right now. But I know in the past it always seems that those men who love me, I end up not loving at all. And those that I do adore, they do not show the same for me. I have been humiliated many times... but I pick up the pieces,and keep on getting stronger and stronger.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 25th July 2002, 07:31
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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Donquichotte
"For each man kills the thing he loves" (O. Wilde)

I have found that sometimes those that we love the most, we can hurt the most. I love her, and this love can sometimes go in the negative dirrection. But I decided to share my thoughts anyways. [/B][/QUOTE]

Hurting the ones we love can be a way of reassessing the strength of their love for us, and that is bad, or trying to make them part from us for our/their own sake, to make them/us less dependant, and I am not sure it is more acceptable.
And then sometimes you'll hurt someone because you are simply underestimating the strength of his love,thus not realizing the pain you've created.
Adjusting one's behavior is not easy when every word or gesture (or lack of) can hurt even unintentionally.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 25th July 2002, 10:47
Donquichotte Donquichotte is offline
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Donquichotte
Wink Re: Understood

Quote:
Originally posted by Laryska
Raj,
But I know in the past it always seems that those men who love me, I end up not loving at all. And those that I do adore, they do not show the same for me. I have been humiliated many times... but I pick up the pieces,and keep on getting stronger and stronger.

Laryska,

Everyone wants what they can't have or seems out of reach, that's the oldest and first rule of the game.

To show indifference until the other one reveals his interest for you, as whoever shows his interest first has lost a decisive advantage, that is rule number two.

To always keep in focus that this is a game, and one should not get too emotionally involved at the beginning is rule number three.(especially at your young age)
Rule number three will help you enforce rule number two

Always remember these three rules and you'll do fine and you'll win most times.
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