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traveling to Kharkov, meeting several women, any advice?

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Old 21st April 2014, 07:27
USA2Kharkiv USA2Kharkiv is offline
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Question traveling to Kharkov, meeting several women, any advice?

Hello all.
This is my first post on this site, and it is in advance of my first trip to Ukraine. I have an airline ticket and hotel reservations to go spend a week in Kharkiv this summer. I am sure I could have picked a better time, but the troubles in Eastern Ukraine didn't flare up until a few days after I purchased my ticket. I do have insurance that I can use to cancel my trip for any reason(beyond the covered ones) and at least get 75% of my ticket cost back.

Note that I am not trying to find an incredibly young woman half my age, I don't want a housewife to make and raise babies, and I want an equal partnership, a real romance. I have also suggested that she continue to pursue her career in America, or I will even consider moving to Ukraine. Also, I realize that multiple trips will need to be made to properly romance my lady, and I am prepared not to be disappointed if things do not work out as expected. At least it will be a unique vacation, an adventure! :-)

This is my trip to Ukraine situation:
4 weeks ago, I met a 47 year old woman(#1) in Kharkov online through an agency. I am 52. We have hit it off like gangbusters, better than anyone else I've ever met online. This is what spurred my ticket purchase and hotel booking. We chat and email four or five times each week, not quite every day, but often. Both of us can't wait until the time comes, about 16 more weeks. I get very good feelings from her and she's stayed positive and given me the feeling that this will be ok. We have traded full names and postal addresses, and everything seems on the level so far. Oh, and she says she has an interpreter in mind, but she has not been insistent about it.

My situation is, that this week I was contacted by two different women in Kharkov that I have talked to before, but I thought they weren't interested; #2 is 40 years old and #3 is 44, and we have also have had very good experiences online. I would like to meet them also on this trip. They both know I will be there this summer, but #2 does not yet know that I may meet others during the week, and #3 was told today about the others, but I have not yet gotten her reaction.

Woman #1 has assumed she will be the only one I am visiting at this point, and I do plan to tell her about the others, but I don't know how this will be received. I want to be honest and respectful with everyone about my intentions...woman #1 is in the lead for my heart, but #2 and I have made a great connection. #3 is new to me, thus I chose to tell her first. What should I do? Am I running a risk of losing them all by trying to meet multiple people on one trip(like a tour)? Is any of this a good idea?

I specifically did not take a "tour" trip, because it's just not my style, so I'm winging it. I found a travel agency through tripadvisor.com that has all the services a la carte I will need to have a good time. Does anyone have advice about any aspect of my trip and situation?

Thanks!
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Old 21st April 2014, 19:37
USA2Kharkiv USA2Kharkiv is offline
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Reading through the threads in this forum, I came across one gentleman rcshott who said the women are "beautiful... AND V-E-R-Y JEALOUS! So NEVER say you know others from ANYWHERE!"
He also said, "NEVER tell one lady you have visited or spoken to others."

Is this true? It would be helpful to get confirmation.
If so, then I guess I should meet each woman independently and try to keep them away from each other. I just hate being deceptive, so comments one way or the other would be helpful.

Thanks again!
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Old 21st April 2014, 22:23
bkrevel bkrevel is offline
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If it sounds too good to be true.....then it probably is.....

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence....

The women in Ukraine,,(France, England, Italy, Greece, etc etc,) are no different than the ones in the US...

Edit......after reading your post again,,,,women are not objects to be shopped for in a supermarket, to pick the best choice......

Get a life......respectfully.....
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Old 21st April 2014, 23:35
USA2Kharkiv USA2Kharkiv is offline
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Thank you for posting you opinion, even though it is judgmental and not very helpful. I am not "shopping" any more than knowing several women and trying to decide which I'd like to date. I am not trying to exploit or objectify anyone; I am honest in my search for romance, the same as someone would use a conventional dating site to meet new people. I am only asking for a little help understanding the cultural differences so that I do not unintentionally hurt anyone.

Last edited by USA2Kharkiv; 22nd April 2014 at 00:19.
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Old 22nd April 2014, 00:19
USA2Kharkiv USA2Kharkiv is offline
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As I made my last post, I have decided that the best course of action is to just be honest with everyone about everything, much as I do at home. If I lose someone through being honest, then it was not meant to be to begin with.

Last edited by USA2Kharkiv; 22nd April 2014 at 07:21. Reason: for clarity
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Old 22nd April 2014, 04:44
stepanstas stepanstas is offline
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How do you think #2 and #3 found out about your trip? (Also, its funny to refer to them by numbers, but it's logical here :-))

Well I'm not a woman, but if you're truly interested in a Ukrainian woman, I don't think its wrong to meet all three on this trip. But, you sound like you were happy with #1. I don't know the full situation but it sounds like you settled for #1 because things with #2 and 3 didn't work out, but now that they're back, #1 can move aside. Whatever your choice, I think it's best to tell them all. If they don't like it, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

Welcome to the forum and best of luck on your trip. Let us know how it works out.
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Old 22nd April 2014, 07:18
USA2Kharkiv USA2Kharkiv is offline
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stepanstas said, "How do you think #2 and #3 found out about your trip? (Also, its funny to refer to them by numbers, but it's logical here :-))"

Yes, kind of like The Dating Game TV game show from the 1960's/70's! I know the numbers sound weird, but I did not want to use their names.

The newer women found out about my trip because I told them I was planning to come before it occurred to me that the one I talked to first might be hurt(d'oh!). I read some comments about Ukrainian women being jealous, so I thought I should get some advice before I just told #1 about it. Ultimately, I am uncomfortable with anything that could be construed as a deception, so if I decide to arrange to meet all three women, everyone will know far in advance that's what will happen. I thought if the situation were reversed, and a woman was coming to America to spend time with me and I found out she was also meeting others here, I would be disappointed.

Lady #1 is closest to my age and I like her the best so far. I know the most about her, and it seems we really click! Everything she has told me so far has checked out, and I feel confident she is being straight with me. I really enjoy our letters and our chats, and she is not pushing to hurry for any reason. She says I need to come to Ukraine, we should decide together if we will continue, and I must meet her family and friends. She will then need to come here and visit to see how/where I live, meet my family, etc. It sounds as if she has her priorities in order, and she seems as cautious as I hope I am.

I am interested in finding a Slavic woman because I have been divorced for 11 years and I've not found anyone in the US during that time that was going to work long-term for me. Add to that the personalities and values of two married ladies I know, colleagues from Ukraine and Russia, and I was inspired to look for my match there. Besides being an exciting adventure, finding my match on the other side of the planet in a completely different culture is terribly romantic. It is also a great reason to travel and see a place I've never been.

Sorry for this novel I've written, but I am pumped up about my solo trip! I don't like the idea of marrying someone closer to my daughter's age than mine, as beautiful and willing as they may be. I want someone that has had the same kind of life experiences I have. I want someone that's my emotional peer, my partner in life, a companion to travel with, and for us to get old together, wherever we end up. I feel that if there is anything that seems sordid, or morally wrong with this, then it will taint the whole deal. I want my match to feel as lucky to have me as I will feel getting her.

Thank you for your post, and I will write about how this turns out. My friendly Slavic colleagues are encouraging me to write a story or blog about the whole experience; they guarantee I will have some great stories to tell!
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