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Help with understanding female Ukrainian dating and romance practices

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Old 15th August 2012, 17:59
Tracker9195 Tracker9195 is offline
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Help with understanding female Ukrainian dating and romance practices

I corresponded and talked with a 28 year old Ukrainian girl about marriage and family. We seemed highly compatible and we just spent 17 days together in Crimea. During this period everything went well except for two things. Romance and money. She was not comfortable holding hands in public and kissing in public the entire trip. In private a polite kiss on the cheek was ok. She gave me simple thank you kisses after I purchased something. There was never a passionate kiss or any private time or intimacy the entire trip. She said she thought we were compatible and she was interested in me as your friend, lover and husband. She complimented me many times on my appearance, style of dress and more. She said she had a great time with me. I discussed her reluctance for kissing, touching and being alone and she said she needed time. I explained that affection and romance were very important to me as discussed earlier in email and chat. The second thing that bothered me was her expectation that I "win" her heart by spending time and money on her with entertainment, going to the spa, many gifts not only for her but also for her sister and parents. I explained that this is highly unusual in America and considered very rude but she insisted this is normal in Ukraine and for her. She explained that it was part of dating in Ukraine and that Ukrainian women often want to know that the man will support her needs and wants. I returned home feeling very bad that I either do not understand basic human nature (desire for intimacy) and the Ukrainian culture (maybe it is not for me). Or, maybe I was used for fun and gifts by this girl and her Interpreter. She also would not use my Interpreter. In the end I spent a lot of time and money and feel we are compatible and many ways EXCEPT for romance and money. Both are important. She wants to continue getting to know me and says she wants me as her husband. On the last day I met her mother. Her mother was nice but later said our age difference was too great. I am 52, attractive, healthy, well educated, professional, stable and offer someone a lot. For me the age difference is barely acceptable but I decided to meet her from a pool of many because I simply liked here the best. Now that I am home I can say that I am very torn and I hate the thought of being scammed. If her romantic behavior and expectations for money are reasonable for Ukrainian girls, the culture may not be right for me. Lastly during this trip we discussed many things and the area of the greatest difference seemed to be in many differences in dating such as Ukrainians ONLY dating one at a time or Ukrainians considering themselves a couple because they are dating and not because they both explicitly agree to being a couple with conditions and many other differences.

1) What are typical dating practices in Ukraine regarding paying for gifts, paying for entertainment, etc. for two people that are new to each other?
2) What are typical romantic practices in Ukraine regarding public kissing and affection, passionate kissing in private and general expectations for sex...for two people who have known each other for several months online and who spent 17 days together and where apparently there is mutual attraction and sincere interest in a life together?
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Old 15th August 2012, 20:28
Gotno Gizmo Gotno Gizmo is offline
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Get Real!

I have been in a relationship with a Ukrainian lady for more than three years.
Firstly, the age gap between you is too great and you would be foolish to believe such a romance could endure. Secondly, I can confirm a reluctance for Ukrainian women to kiss and hold hands in public when the relationship is still in its infancy. However, such reluctance decreases over time. Thirdly, I am not aware that there is a cultural expectation that you must bestow gifts upon the family of this girl. Fourthly if you are dependant upon a translator to communicate with your lady you are severely disadvantaged.
My feeling is that you are probably being taken for a ride by this girl and you should set your sights upon an older lady (suggest absolute maximum gap of 15 years between you), and as you are a professional man you should be able to attract an similary educated partner with at least a basic English usage.
Forget trhis one, but don't abandon all hope, there are some lovely Ukrainian ladies out there.
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Old 17th November 2012, 03:06
sweetgirl sweetgirl is offline
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Sorry for say you but yes, you was scammed.
People dream too many. Real life is never as expected.
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Old 19th January 2014, 10:51
Sweetguyfl Sweetguyfl is offline
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Hello - This is my first time on this site and I have already visited the Ukraine in November of 2013. I have met a wonderful lady and we have spent a week together there and have talked almost everyday since I have returned. I am heading back to see her in 2 weeks. I am very excited and she seems to be as well. She is also started taking English lessons and I am taking Russian Lessons (Wow talk about a culture lessons)

I have a similar experience as Tracker above, but the major differences are I am 45 and she is 34, she has never asked me to pay for things except for a few things that went without saying (dinners, taxi's, interpreter, etc.) normal dating things. I did buy her a computer as I know that computers they have there and can afford are old and slow. After I left she spilled tea on it and burned it up, she felt so bad and was afraid I was going to be upset. I smiled and told her accidents happen. She then went on to tell me she had been saving for a car one day, but she needed to talk to me she used that money to buy another computer and would not take money from me to pay for the replacement.

I know I have been exposed to the American ways for 45 years and learning the different cultures, which I am liking the core values as a breath of fresh air. But as Tracker stated above, I am not sure how to read the signs. My girl does not like to hold hands in public, or even kiss, and of course intimacy is out. I do not care about the intimacy (well I am a guy but can live without for now if this is all real) but just the small things such as holding hands or touching and of course kissing. I am used to the kissing and touching, this was a sign of the direction of the relationship. I really like this girl and I want to do the right thing for the culture. And most importantly learn the culture.

I am just looking for advice so I can get my head on straight.

Thanks - Roy
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Old 20th January 2014, 08:17
JuliaFromUkrain JuliaFromUkrain is offline
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Hello Sweetguy! My own opinion is that you are scammed unfortunately by that lady. Hopefully I am wrong.
But just be very careful. What do you know about this lady? She seems honest with you? Does she share with you some very personal things? If she talks only about her advantages and avoids conversations about bad parts of her life for example then it's a bad sign. If you have a chance, you can give me your contacts. We can just talk on Skype.
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Old 20th January 2014, 10:47
Sweetguyfl Sweetguyfl is offline
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Yes she has told me a lot of the bad points and what she is going through. Also the struggles with her mom in Moldova. But she also says how she likes the Ukraine and the wonderful people there. So I think she has told me a lot about her home.
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Old 20th January 2014, 19:57
JuliaFromUkrain JuliaFromUkrain is offline
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Then just be careful. I wish you good luck and love forever!
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