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Help with understanding female Ukrainian dating and romance practices

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Old 20th January 2014, 21:51
Sweetguyfl Sweetguyfl is offline
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Thank you Julia - It is still scary. When all you want is to find true love that will return it to me.
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Old 7th August 2014, 19:18
BukiRob BukiRob is offline
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Originally Posted by Tracker9195 View Post
I corresponded and talked with a 28 year old Ukrainian girl about marriage and family. We seemed highly compatible and we just spent 17 days together in Crimea. During this period everything went well except for two things. Romance and money. She was not comfortable holding hands in public and kissing in public the entire trip. In private a polite kiss on the cheek was ok. She gave me simple thank you kisses after I purchased something. There was never a passionate kiss or any private time or intimacy the entire trip. She said she thought we were compatible and she was interested in me as your friend, lover and husband. She complimented me many times on my appearance, style of dress and more. She said she had a great time with me. I discussed her reluctance for kissing, touching and being alone and she said she needed time. I explained that affection and romance were very important to me as discussed earlier in email and chat. The second thing that bothered me was her expectation that I "win" her heart by spending time and money on her with entertainment, going to the spa, many gifts not only for her but also for her sister and parents. I explained that this is highly unusual in America and considered very rude but she insisted this is normal in Ukraine and for her. She explained that it was part of dating in Ukraine and that Ukrainian women often want to know that the man will support her needs and wants. I returned home feeling very bad that I either do not understand basic human nature (desire for intimacy) and the Ukrainian culture (maybe it is not for me). Or, maybe I was used for fun and gifts by this girl and her Interpreter. She also would not use my Interpreter. In the end I spent a lot of time and money and feel we are compatible and many ways EXCEPT for romance and money. Both are important. She wants to continue getting to know me and says she wants me as her husband. On the last day I met her mother. Her mother was nice but later said our age difference was too great. I am 52, attractive, healthy, well educated, professional, stable and offer someone a lot. For me the age difference is barely acceptable but I decided to meet her from a pool of many because I simply liked here the best. Now that I am home I can say that I am very torn and I hate the thought of being scammed. If her romantic behavior and expectations for money are reasonable for Ukrainian girls, the culture may not be right for me. Lastly during this trip we discussed many things and the area of the greatest difference seemed to be in many differences in dating such as Ukrainians ONLY dating one at a time or Ukrainians considering themselves a couple because they are dating and not because they both explicitly agree to being a couple with conditions and many other differences.

1) What are typical dating practices in Ukraine regarding paying for gifts, paying for entertainment, etc. for two people that are new to each other?
2) What are typical romantic practices in Ukraine regarding public kissing and affection, passionate kissing in private and general expectations for sex...for two people who have known each other for several months online and who spent 17 days together and where apparently there is mutual attraction and sincere interest in a life together?
She is not into you, like at all. You are her walking ATM and sugar daddy.
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Old 7th August 2014, 19:59
BukiRob BukiRob is offline
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Originally Posted by Sweetguyfl View Post
Hello - This is my first time on this site and I have already visited the Ukraine in November of 2013. I have met a wonderful lady and we have spent a week together there and have talked almost everyday since I have returned. I am heading back to see her in 2 weeks. I am very excited and she seems to be as well. She is also started taking English lessons and I am taking Russian Lessons (Wow talk about a culture lessons)

I have a similar experience as Tracker above, but the major differences are I am 45 and she is 34, she has never asked me to pay for things except for a few things that went without saying (dinners, taxi's, interpreter, etc.) normal dating things. I did buy her a computer as I know that computers they have there and can afford are old and slow. After I left she spilled tea on it and burned it up, she felt so bad and was afraid I was going to be upset. I smiled and told her accidents happen. She then went on to tell me she had been saving for a car one day, but she needed to talk to me she used that money to buy another computer and would not take money from me to pay for the replacement.

I know I have been exposed to the American ways for 45 years and learning the different cultures, which I am liking the core values as a breath of fresh air. But as Tracker stated above, I am not sure how to read the signs. My girl does not like to hold hands in public, or even kiss, and of course intimacy is out. I do not care about the intimacy (well I am a guy but can live without for now if this is all real) but just the small things such as holding hands or touching and of course kissing. I am used to the kissing and touching, this was a sign of the direction of the relationship. I really like this girl and I want to do the right thing for the culture. And most importantly learn the culture.

I am just looking for advice so I can get my head on straight.

Thanks - Roy
She is not into you either.

You guys act like your dating an alien. When a girl likes you (I am surprised I have to tell you this!) SHE SHOWS IT.

European girls are far, far more open minded about sex than Americans.

You guys are making it ridiculously hard on yourselves. Unless you have unlimited money and unlimited time you have to be smart about how you spend your time.

Show 100 guys a photo of a slender, attractive girl with a pretty face and all 100 of them will be interested. Show 100 women a photo of a healthy "attractive" man and the opinions on said man will be from he is so hot, to he does absolutely nothing for me and I wouldn't even consider going out with him. They are wired differently when it comes to picking out potential life mates.

So, you have to recognize that if she isn't interest time aint changing that. 2, she knows within 5 seconds if you are a Yes/Maybe guy or a No (AKA lets be friends) kind of guy. What you want, feel, think means NOTHING at this stage. Your job, is to figure out if you are a Yes/Maybe guy or a No guy to her.

Date #1 should be short... as in like 15-20 at the most short. At the end of the date you ask her if she wants to meet the next day (you're already interested or you wouldn't have asked for date 1 in the first place) Anything other than a Yes is...... a NO. Maybe is no, Let me think about it is a no. I have to do this, that or the other is a no unless she says to you but I can meet you on xday is a no.

If its a no, move on and find another girl you are interested in talking to.

Date 2 should be walking in a park or doing something where you can have fairly uninterrupted conversation even if its using an electronic interpreter or phrase books. Again, be a gentlemen keep your hands to yourself. Date 2 should be a longer date... even perhaps up to 2 hours.

At the end of date 2 you kiss close. This is a good night kiss on the lips and nothing more. Why? This is where we identify if we are a Yes or a NO. Now, a girl that turns and offers her cheek is a No/maybe. I add maybe because she might have kissed you on #3 or #4 date.. If a girl hasn't kissed you by then never will.

I know you're gonna say but wont I risk losing a girl but not waiting? Yep, you might. But then, YOU don't have unlimited time or unlimited money to keep flying back and forth right? If a gal kisses on the lips on date 2 you KNOW she is into you. Wouldn't you rather spend your time with a girl that is very into you?

Lest you think I don't know what I am talking about I met my wife 10 years ago in Odessa and I did just what I told you to do. I kissed her at the end of the date on the lips. I also was seeing 3 other girls while I was there and one of the girls I wasn't interested in midway through date 2 and the other 2 offered me their cheek.

Guys its not personal you may not be her type. She may decide she doesn't like your personality.

Now this all assumes you are dressing correctly and not like an American. The girl in those photo's that is dressed to kill... that's fairly representative of how they normally dress. Do your part. Don't wear jeans when out in public on a date. Or Tshirts Or sneakers. Nice dress shirt, Slacks and polished dress shoes. Hygiene and grooming.... always be clean shaven or closely trimmed (most Ukrainian women aren't generally into facial hair at all so be aware of that) seriously consider doing some manscaping down there and its a MUST if you are a man who is hairy. You want her to be a lady who is perfectly made up and her body is everything you want, dude, take some time and put in a little effort yourself. American's have a bad rap among Ukrainians for being pigs because, well, in general a lot of us are... DON'T BE THAT WAY.

The more you work on being the best you, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex.

Like I said, I met my wife on my very first trip to Ukraine. I did not know her before I met her. I got on a plane went to Odessa and used 2 agencies to set up meetings with girls. Met her on the second day I was there and that was the beginning of a relationship that is now 10 years long. I traveled to Ukraine 6 times in total before I brought her back with me on the 6th trip on a fiancee's Visa. Obviously I've been back several times since to visit the in laws, but, it isn't luck, I had a plan I stuck to it.

1) Met SEVERAL girls, you never know when the girl for you will show up
2) Identify who is genuinely interested with a goodnight kiss close on date 2
3) Do not waste time with girls you aren't sure and you are sure by doing #2
4) expect MOST girls to not be interested. That's okay... you're only looking for 1
5) once you find her stop dating anyone but her. LET HER KNOW YOU EXPECT THE SAME.
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