Some funny quotes !!!!

[jutka]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don'tlike
and just give her a house."
Steven Seagal


"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base."
Dave Barry


"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. . I could be eating a slow
learner."
Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
Richard Jeni

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would
be dead."
Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law."
Jerry Seinfeld

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly ina
single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall
people burn slower?"
Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least
they can find Kuwait."
A. Whitney Brown

"Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet,"
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you alook
that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
Dave Barry

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully inher
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
from children"

[Irinka]

Love what Roseanne said, and the very last one is hillarious

Irina

[jutka]

I like the Robin Williams one!!

[Dr_Kassler_JSPS]

Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-- W. C. Fields

Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-- Mae West

[Mariboulg]

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
- Woody Allen

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
-Hector Berlioz

[BenCA]

Why is that Jutka

[Dr_Kassler_JSPS]

Originally posted by Mariboulg
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
- Woody Allen

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
-Hector Berlioz

your second quote reminds me of a good reply to those who believe in the "buy and hold" strategy for stocks, ie people who say that "in the long run, you're better off just holding onto a stock"....

the retort is..."In the long run, you're dead."