Accepting Applications: A Public Service

[Nonson]

January 29

WARNING FROM KELLIE:


Because of reading this, I now become nauseated by the sight and smell of peanut butter. The nauseating concept "sex with Eric" (ew!) has been permanently linked in my mind to peanut butter. I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat it again. If you don't know Eric, this probably won't be a problem for you. You can link peanut butter to sex with someone hot. But if you know Eric, and you *really* like peanut butter, you might want to consider not reading this.

Foreplay. Sweet, sweet foreplay. The beginning of all sexual encounters. Well, most. Sometimes there is no foreplay. It's just: Take your pants off. And I'm like: I live to please (zip). Sometimes you use tools and devices to make foreplay, and the eventual sex, better. Like peanut butter. Creamy peanut butter. Not the crunchy kind. That hurts. Unless you are into pain, like some people who will remain nameless. Sometimes, all there is is foreplay. You don't even reach sex. It's like: Well, as much as I'd love to continue, I'm done. See you in the morning. Then the other person is left hanging. There must be and equal amount of work put into sex, and an equal amount of pleasure received. Take turns being on top. Introduce a third person. Spice things up. Keep yourselves happy. You only live once, and you can only have sex so many times in your life. Pick and choose to get the most out of it. Make an application or something. Weed out the bad ones. You only need four questions. Name. Sex. Size. And will I have a good time. Of course, your desired answers are: Eric, male, large, & for sure. Yes. An application. That would work good. Why don't you make up an application right now and send it to me (guys, sorry. I don't swing like that). Hell, skip the application. We can get down to business right here. I don't mind an audience. The more the merrier. I mean, if they like my style, they can pick up one of my applications. It's two questions. Sex. Name. Only the answers male and Melinda will get you rejected. I know I am harsh, but you've got to weed out the bad ones. After the formalities are over, we can get down to business. Unless I am out of peanut butter.

(www.blackglass.org/kellie)

04.29.01