Blonde jokes

[benda]

There was a competition between a Soviet and American sprinters. American won. On the following day Soviet newspapers wrote: "Yesterday a Soviet sprinter went to finish one of the first. American was last but one".

[Petro_moskal]

"Sovetskij zanjal vtoroe mesto, a amerikanec prishel predposlednim..."
I love that one.

[dobko]

PREGNANT BLONDE


My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
I said "Great; tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more.
"I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby.
We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,
I asked her how she knew.

She said,

(You're going to love this!)

"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"

[MbUke]

Hahahahahah!!!! Love it!!

I'm a pharmacist, and believe me, that joke is not far off some of the dumb a-- questions I've gotten over the years!

LOL!

[dobko]

blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.

[dobko]

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

[dobko]

Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.