On the "other" side of jokes.

[dobko]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?.....I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. This was the first time he had seen them.

She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these breasts." He immediately drops his pants and replies,......"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

[dobko]

They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed, he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance. She wished that he would take her in his arm, comfort her, protect her from the storm. She wanted that...

Then the power went out.

She screamed.

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist, but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on, as did their growing passion, and there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together. They knew it was wrong. Their families would not understand.

But they were so consumed in their passion they didn't hear the door or the click of the light switch.

The power was back on....... click .
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[dobko]

On Saturday morning I got up early. I put on my long johns. I dressed quietly. I got my lunch made, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went. Coming out of the garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

Minutes later, I returned to the garage. I came back into the house and turned the TV to
the weather channel. I find it's going to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies , "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"

[dobko]

Ole and Sven, were holidaying on the beach in New Zealand while on vacation, and Sven couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls, so he asked the lifeguard for some advice.
"Mate, it's obvious", says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy style swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"
The following day, Sven hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick! So Ole went back to the Lifeguard again and asked him, "Vat's wrong now? Sven still isn't picking up babes".
The Lifeguard says, "Mate, The potato goes in front!"

[dobko]

Eight words with two different meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female... Any part under a car's hood.
Male...... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male....... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family
Male........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male....... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.!
Female... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male....... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male....... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

He said She said....

He said . . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.

He said . . . . Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . . They don't have time

He said . . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said . . . What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . . A widow.

He said . . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[theja]

Hahahaha..... good..hahahaha... enjoyed most: different meanings/he said she said.....

[dobko]

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."