Ha Ha

[nickcsadler]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words

back or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word
He knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's Type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who
works
at the store He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.As we were looking at the display case, the
boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let
me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy s pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
laughter!!

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she

was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with me."
Then I said, "Dan! ny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No,"
he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell
was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have
an
accident?" This time he jumpe! d! up, yanked down his pants, bent over
and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up
his
pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
for the

best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
>very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A
true
story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed
to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave
the
set, ! but half the crew did too!

[dobko]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir." The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......


"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"