Joke

[dobko]

A preacher (not Andrew ) went to his office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police, who said he should call animal control. Animal control said that since the mule was dead, he should call the health department. The health department told him to call the sanitation department. The sanitation department said that they couldn't pick it up without authorization from animal control. Finally, tired of the run-around, the preacher called the Mayor to complain. The Mayor said, "Why are you bothering me with this problem? Isn't it YOUR job to bury the dead?" The preacher sighed and said, "Yes sir, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first."

[andrewblow]

Clay- when do you have the time to post all those joke ?- same should be said for Raj

Raj - get back to your surgery - it's 3-deep in bodies

And Clay, the 4.30 from Winnipeg is rapidly approaching the 11.53 from Toronto ....but on the same line. Your attention is drawn to the urgency of this potential catastrophy

TODAY, PLEASE


Andrew

[Rajkumar]

Merry Christmas Sir Andrewblow,

Surgery can wait Sir but for you non-stop jokes coming up till next year. So here is one.....

Dumbest questions

Answers are more interesting

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Steak" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- Dear me, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

[Rajkumar]

System upgrade (B4 and after marriage)::..

Dear Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.


And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.


I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


What can I do?





Signed,


DESPERATE


*********************************************************
Reply:


Dear Desperate:


First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.


But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.


Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 and the worms might cause the program to automatically upgrade itself to Husband 2.0.



In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.


Good Luck,


TECHNICAL SUPPORT

[dobko]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To
combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion
to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

Ukrainians used a pencil

[benda]

Ukrainians or Russians?

[dobko]

Originally Posted by benda

Ukrainians or Russians?

For this board we'll say Ukrainian, OK?