Joke

[Rajkumar]

Mr.Bean and Mr.Texas were always boasting of their
parents achievements to each other.
Mr.Texas : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Mr.Bean : 'Yes, I have'
Mr.Texas : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Mr.Bean : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead
sea?'
Mr.Texas : 'Yes, I have.'
Mr.Bean: 'Well, my father killed it.

[Rajkumar]

Mr.Bean was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked Mr.Bean why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better.
Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

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Mr.Bean, a Japanese, and a German were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the German took the seat, and Mr.Bean took the door.
After a while of walking he German asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty,I can drink the fluid." Next Mr.Bean asked the German "Why did you bring the seat?" So the German said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand.
I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked Mr.Bean why he had chosen the door.
TheMr.Bean quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

[Rajkumar]

A nurse called up a Mr.Bean and congrats on becoming father, Mr.Bean replies saying please do not inform my wife I want to give her surprise.

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Mr.Bean was writing something very slowly.



Friend asked: Why are you writing so slowly?



Mr.Bean: I''m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can''t read very fast.

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Mr.Bean tells his girl friend,
come home tomorrow, no one will be at home.
When she goes the next day to his home.......
There was NO ONE at home......

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Mr.Bean what is a difference between stress,tension and panic ?
Answer: stress is when wife is pregnant , tension is when girl friend is pregnant and panic is when both are pregnant.

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Mr.Bean was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.

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[nickcsadler]

The bear and the rabbit

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

[nickcsadler]

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

[dobko]

What do you call a dog with three legs?

"tripod"

What do you call a dog with two legs?

"skid"

What do you calla dog with one leg?

"circles"

What do you call a dog with no legs?

"nothing, he won't come anyways"

[dobko]

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"