On the lighter side - Jokes

[Lilly]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc.
You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know w hy I am not gay.'
And the best one of all..
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

[andrewblow]

HAHAHA............and we expect the poor guy to keep his hand steady, his mind on his work and his breakfast down.......

[bm-21Lemko]

oh... I get it now, very funny

[Lilly]

hahahah Andrew, and if anyone man gave him the "finger" in traffic, he would think it was a salute to his profession!!!! lol!





ZEN AND WISDOM OF LIFE

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the
hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.

3. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that is the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That
way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you do not have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry -- It only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force -- It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you are not learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass, and then
things get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. Around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.