On the lighter side - Jokes

[Lilly]

If a man speaks in the woods, and there is no woman around, is he still wrong?

A man goes into his doctors office for an
annual physical. After a while, the doctor
comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but
we have discovered you have a condition
which only allows you another 6 weeks
to live."

"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I
haven't felt better in years. This just can't
be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"

After a moment the doctor said, "Well,
you might start going down the street to
that new health spa and take a mud bath
every day."

Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"

"No," Replied the doctor, "but it will get you
used to the dirt."

[Lilly]

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rnMvvz1dkM


http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?...er&msg=11282.1

[Lilly]

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?...eature=related

[V-G]

Q: how do you make holly water?
A: you boil the hell out of it.

[dobko]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
show
in a small town in Arkansas with his dummy on his knee, he starts going
through
his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands
on her chair.

She starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What
makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color
of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's
guys like
you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community
and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general .... and all in the name of
humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little nimwit
sitting on your knee!"

[Lilly]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me"
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

[Lilly]

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.