(stolen) Ukraine Jokes

[is5512]

Just picked up "Soviet Laughter - Soviet Tears" by Christine & Ralph Dull, the real-life chronicles of an Ohio farming couple who spent 6-months on a kolkhoz in Ukraine. Here are some of the jokes I've read so far.

Q: When Brezhnev was General Secretary, why did T-V's come with windshield wipers?
A: Because people watching him on T-V would shout "Liar!" and spit at him.

There once was a king who decreed that 2+2=6, and all his subjects echoed that. When he died, the new king changed that to 2+2=5, and his subjects followed that. But, a young scientist working in his lab discovered that 2+2=4. Immediately, two men in trenchcoats appeared and announced, "You may not tell anyone that 2+2=4."
"Why not?" the young man asked.
"Would you rather that 2+2=6 again?" came the ominous response.

A woman entered a store and asked, "You don't have any meat, do you?"
"This is a fish store," the proprieter responded. "The meat store across the street is where they don't have any meat."

Three men were discussing how pigs were killed in their countries. The Brit said, "I think they shoot them, for I've seen pigs with holes in their heads." The Frenchman said, "I've never seen any holes, so they must gas them in France." The Ukrainian said, "We must use dynamite, because all we ever see are ears and hooves."

One doctor said to another, "Shall we treat the patient, or let him live?"

Latvia asked Moscow for independence for one year. Moscow refused. So they asked for independence for two weeks. Still, no. When they asked for independence for two hours, Moscow agreed.
Latvia then declared war on Sweeden, and surrendered five minutes later.

A Soviet ordered a car, and was told by the official it would be there in ten years. "Will it be there in the morning, or the afternoon?" asked the man.
"Why would you ask such a thing?" demanded the official.
"Because the plumber's coming in the morning." the man replied.