This is bad :-))) sorry...

[nickcsadler]

NELSON MANDELA

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brakepads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now shouts:
“You’ve got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, you must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

(Wait for it)


(Get your best Chinese accent ready)


'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

[Nuxxy]

That's terrible. Here's another...

-----

A young farm boy grows up collecting tractors. He is tractor mad. He collects models of every shape and size. He goes to agricultural shows to view the new models. He puts posters of the best models on his bedroom wall. Eventually though, he is sent away to go to college. He leaves behind his tractor fascination and moves on with his life.

One day he is travelling in an elevator, and all of a sudden the alarm bells start ringing. A fire has broken on in the building! The elevator lurches to a halt, and he and the other passanger are trapped. Smokes starts pouring in through the single small ventilation duct, and they both start choking. He knows what has to be done. Breaking open the grill, he grabs the ventilation pipe and starts breathing in the smoke. This carries on for 20 minutes until the firemen rescue them.

After they are carried out of the building, the other passenger comes to him and thanks him to saving her life. "I've never seen anything like that!", she says. "How could you suck in all that smoke and live?"

"No problem!" he replies. "I'm an ex-tractor fan."

-----

[lisaparx]

and another...

A guy walks into the doctor's office.
The doctor asks him "what's wrong?"
The guy said, "I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam..."
And the doctor said, "Woah! Hold on- you are too tense!"

[bm-21Lemko]

hahahaha lol

[stepanstas]

Nick, not too bad.

[lisaparx]

Another one with ‘play-on’ words:

So this little string walks into a restaurant…
He goes up to the waiter and said, “Hey waiter! I’d like a drink!”
The waiter looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve little strings here.”
Sadly, the little string left the restaurant.
As the string was walking away he saw a kid on the sidewalk.
The string called to the kid, “Hey kid! Do you want to make $10?
The kid said, “Sure! How?”
The little string told the child to take one end of him & tie it into a knot.
So the kid did.
Then the string told him to take the other end, and fray it.
So the kid did.
And the string gladly handed the kid $10.

Happily the string turned around and marched right back into that same restaurant.
The little string went right up to the waiter and said, “Hey waiter! I’d like a drink!”
The waiter looked at him and said, “Hey! Aren’t you that same little string that was is here 10 minutes ago?”
The little string looked at him and replied, “No, I’m afraid not.”