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Old 9th September 2011, 12:00
Wolodymyr Wolodymyr is offline
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Tim, first the hopefully objectiveand insightful lecture from experience;

1 Never lose sight of the fact that women of any nationality, seeking men from another country are mostly those from a poorer country seeking a man from a wealthier country. Just keep that one in the back of your mind at all times because it can help you to question and understand their motives / objectives.

2 There are various reasons that motivate them to do this, some good and some bad. Your own ability to recognise sincerity is helpful, and avoiding a situation where the motive is simply extortion is the most important advice. This can be a very grey area, in the worst case a few may be motivated to 'get money' without any intention of a long term commitment, they will take what they can and run. A few may be motivated by a need to help their family - noble in it's own way and if that person is also sincere, and the prospective husband has the ability to help, it can work.

3 The most important thing is that the monetary issues, although they are usually there, should be secondary, and the sincerity of the girl and her intention to fall in love and make a commitment is all important. The problem here is how to recognise that and how to be sure, this is very difficult to do without spending a significant amount of time together and with her family. Across the internet only works if there is plenty of video conferencing including family, but it has to be followed up by time with the girl and family to remove any uncertainty / risk from the situation.

4 Any broker or dating site has to have good credentials and a clearly displayed commitment to avoid it's customer's being scammed, so that you feel that you can trust them, and their prospective clients.

5 All the above is important because it helps avoid making a mistake, as this is your future life, it is critical that you do not take a big risk with the consequences it can bring. So the best advice is - don't fall in love until you are sure it is safe to do so

6 Age difference is not the biggest issue, but maturity and goals are, you may not get on with someone half your age, as she is more likely to be less mature, mentally / philosophically I mean, there has to be a meeting of minds and the ability to see eye to eye and to communicate well. If you are from different cultures, a lot of eye to eye communication is necessary to 'understand' each other, language difficulties in both directions can also promote misunderstandings - you have to be able to deal with that rationally. It's worth saying that in a lot of cases, their perception is that older men are more stable, loving, reliable and loyal, and that is generally true, and the distrust / risk with men of their own age is the motivation in looking for an older partner.

7 Despite the sometimes gloomy picture painted, that applies to a minority, there are lots and lots of sincere ladies out there, and treating the above as good advice, and trusting that you can achieve a loving and permanent relationship in this way is key, as long as you do not get overwhelmed or fall in love with the visually attractive woman before knowing what is under the skin (beauty is skin deep as they say). It is also good to do a little self examination and ask not only whether she will be good for you, but whether you will be good for her.

ok lecture over; my credentials, in the first point I said 'any nationality', as although there are cultural differences, people are the same the world over, I am married to a beautiful and sincere Thai lady who is 17 years younger, I am 59, she is 42 and we have been happily married for 6 years. We send a little money to help her mother (father died) and also to my father's family in Ukraine. I was divorced, lived in Thailand long enough to speak and write the language, so I had a head start in knowing the people, culture and how to recognise sincerity in a person of a different nationality / culture. The difference will not be so great for you so that will help, so take care and good luck.
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